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Happy New Year!

2011-12-31T01:54:00.022Z

Tahrir Square, Egypt

Dear 2011:

You've baffled me; you've impressed me; you've given me hope, and sometimes utter despair and hopelessness. You were certainly different, unexpected in many ways; and for that, you will be remembered for a very long time.

Globally speaking, there were many natural disasters. I remind you again of the earthquakes in New Zealand, Turkey and Japan; the earthquake in Japan was one of the strongest ever recorded at 8.9 magnitude, triggered by Tsunami (think The Butterfly Effect) and lead to the Fukushima nuclear meltdown. And then the droughts in East Africa and the worst famine in decades. Then there were the floods in Thailand which affected more than 12 million people and killed over 800; and the typhoon in Philippines, more than a half million people lost their homes. Then there were also more than 300 tornadoes and blizzards in the United States ripping through the South East. 2011, you've outdone yourself, so don't pretend you have forgotten; the world certainly hasn't.

Politically speaking, it was the year of awakening for several Arab nations. On 14 Januray, 2011 the Tunisian government fell and then-President Ben-Ali escaped Tunisia after his infamous, or rather famous speech, often referred to as أنا فهمتكم ,or 'I've understood you' (addressing his people). My beloved Egypt and the Egyptian revolution which started on 25 January, 2011, almost a year ago, yet it hasn't been freed from military ruling, despite toppling Mubarak's regime on 11 February, 2011; and still protesters are getting injured or killed.

I owe so much to the Egyptian revolution (which I witnessed before travelling) and the most honourable revolutionaries and martyrs who have chosen to stand in Tahrir Square and other parts of Egypt, seeking freedom and equality, who defied death and injustice in its worst, most horrible forms. May our martyrs rest in peace and may they always be remembered and honoured. Those who have lost their eyes, have been wounded or crippled by security forces that should be protecting its people, not attacking them, throwing tear gas bombs and using internationally banned gas to disperse peaceful protesters, and shooting them with live ammunition, not rubber bullets, subjecting girls to humiliating virginity tests (what does this have to do with the revolution?!!). My generation, my amazing generation that I'm beyond proud to belong to. The world has been watching in awe, and still watching, while some Egyptians still doubt the revolution, all due to pathetic thoughts spoon-fed to many by some Egyptian media that still belongs to the old regime. The revolution continues... because this is one of the pictures (which I'm sure you've already seen) that says why it should:

The year Gaddafi was killed and Bin Laden was claimed killed/dead (I still doubt the death of the latter, let alone if he ever existed, but that's another matter), and Kim Jong-il (the North Korean supreme leader), Saudi Prince Sultan ibn-Abdelaziz, Egyptian writers Anis Mansour and Ahmed Bahgat, Egyptian singers Hassan Al-Asmar, Talaat Zein and Amer Mouneeb, Actress Hind Rostom, Actors Kamal El-Shenawy and Omar Al-Hareery died. The year Apple's Steve Jobs, Elizabeth Taylor and Amy Winehouse (the English singer) also died. The year of the English royal wedding. The year riots in England lasted for days and London was on fire. 2011, you were uncanny!

On the personal level, it's the year I ventured away from home, seeking a new path, a new chapter in life. For me, things were rather quiet and I must say my times of solitude were very appreciated and needed. It was the year I made several amazing new friends and met lovely people. The year I discovered yet how fake some people can be, how intimidated some are by a feminine independence, difference and success. The year I realized it didn't matter how old someone can be, they can still be mean, and usually it turns back on them. Justice prevails, even after long years, Subhan Allah. The year I amazed myself at how I let go of many things that no longer belonged to me, and how I no longer needed to hold on to beliefs that hurt me and brought me down. The year I broke free.

I used to joke that 2011 has hogged all the news, nothing will be left for any following years. I still think of you as the year of the Egyptian revolution; 2011, I still salute you.

2012, I have a lot of faith in you; please live up to it. I hope it will be a year of peace, and love, lots and lots of love, a year of justice, of seeking the truth, seeing the truth. A year of good change. I hope it will be the year my second novel is published (it's taking a lot of time to write, but it's a lot different than my debut novel and much longer).

Happy New Year! And most importantly, happy new year, my Egypt!

A Different Lullaby

2011-10-09T13:05:00.002+01:00

I sat before you humble in tears

I begged you to release my fears
But you stood as stiff as a cast
Now you've withered, collapsed
On the steps of your elusiveness

Come, come, my time is near,
I hear you say
But your eyes don't see me
And your heart has gone astray
That's what you get for my lost years!

Hear me, hear me, I watch you say,
I hereby announce my love is for sale,
To the highest bidder, the winner
Look around you, I say, look and see
Only flies and roaches can hear!

They say your tears were mixed with rain
Circling the streets, going everywhere
Instead of you, I see the ghost of a man
Who wasn't true to himself, or his word
That's what you get for cowardice, I hear!

When you came back, I wasn't here
Even when you were gone, I was sincere

The tale ends with you and I
Together singing a lullaby
The story of you and me...

We were never meant to be.

-Marwa Ayad

Eid and Ramadan

2011-10-02T20:45:00.002+01:00

Ramadan was very different for me this year. Being away from Egypt, family and friends. When you live in a European city with hardly any mosques, one of the things you miss the most is the sound of Azan especially right before iftar, when hopefully and happily after a long day your fasting has been accepted by Allah.

I missed Tarwaeeh prayers at the mosque, especially praying in open air. I missed family gatherings at and after iftar and those special desserts only reserved for Ramadan like konafah and atayef. You can still have them other times of the year, but in Ramadan it's an entirely different experience. I missed all that.

You could only feel Ramadan in your heart here, amidst the wind, very long days (and hardly much sun), and everyone pretty much doing what they do the rest of the year. You go to work or your destination and all around you people are sipping their coffee or drink of choice, maybe even nibbling at a sandwich and you whisper to yourself: Allahoma eny sa'em. I'm fasting.

Days start as they normally do, no shorter days at work or school because of Ramadan. Try explaining how easier it would be for me if we had a meeting later in the day as opposed to very early in the morning. I tried explaining how my day in Ramadan works. I fast from almost 4 am till 9 pm. So I do my best to stay as late as I can to pray tahajod, eat and get up a bit later than usual. Good luck explaining that.

But that shouldn't deter you. Sadly, I know some Muslims who don't fast and say otherwise. Fasting is hard, this is why the thawab (reward from Allah) is huge. It's all about self-control, staying away from eating and drinking, gossip and sexual intercourse during the day. We absinate from food and water so you know what it's like for the poor. Like people in Somalia now. You absinate from sex so you can learn to control your urges, especially if you're not married. You obstinate from gossip because you shouldn't really talk about others behind their backs especially negatively. It's all about self-exercising, stretching the boundaries.

And then Eid came along: fresh and exciting. I missed having that first morning cup of coffee with kaek and biscuits among my family. I missed all that.

I've also missed my blog, but this year has just been insanely hectic. I promise to try and blog more often. I actually have many drafted posts since early this year that I never got to publish: about me, Egypt and the revolution. I'm still working on my current novel-in-progress and a couple of other writing projects, for everyone who has been asking. Wish me inspiration.

المرأة الوحيدة التى أدمنتني

2011-10-02T20:25:00.004+01:00

‎ ...سترحل يوما عنى...اعلم

و ان سالوك عنى... وسيفعلون... فقل لهم

غادرتنى

فقد كنت ضعيفا

اضعف من الاحتفاظ (بامرأة) احبتنى بجنون

واحتملت بجنون...وسامحت بجنون

قل لهم غادرتني

تلك التى حين اكون مع سواها تموت الف مرة ومرة

ولايعلم بأمر موتها سواها

قل لهم غادرتني

تلك التى ان نام الكون ...استيقظت

فصلت...فسجدت...فرددت ...اللهم احفظه لى

قل لهم غادرتني

تلك التى صلت صلاة الحاجة ألف مرة

وفى كل مرة ...اكون انا الحاجه

قل لهم غادرتني

تلك التى ان بكت السماء

رفعت يديها الى السماء وذكرت اسمى بدعاء لااعرفه

وان سألتها قالت الدعاء فى المطر مجاب

قل لهم غادرتني

تلك التى ان فرح الصائمون بافطارهم

رفعت يديها الى السماء

وذكرت اسمى بدعاء لااعرفه

وان سألتها قالت..للصائم عند افطاره دعوه لاترد

لقد غادرتنى...

الجسد الذى كنت روحا لها فاصبحت جسد بلا روح

قل لهم غادرتنى ..

المرأة الوحيدة التى أدمنتني

نزار قباني --

2010 in Reverse

2010-12-26T12:22:00.002Z

By the end of every year, I like writing a note to reflect on a year coming to an end and the birth of a new, hopefully better one. This year was just weird... very weird on several levels. I said that about 2009, but 2010 has done much better in that field.

Here are 40 things I've learned from 2010:

Waiting can be either futile or very rewarding; it depends on what you're doing exactly while you're waiting.
It's through the hard times that the true colors of people show.
Some people are very messed-up within... no matter how they pretend otherwise.
Don't expect much from others; only expect from God and then yourself.
If you don't want something or someone with all your heart, then don't bother.
If you need to get away from people, travel... and if there's no one to go with you, travel alone and have fun!
When you're up, your friends get to know who you are; when you're down, you get to know who your friends are.
People don't really change; unless they very much want to and do it themselves, but you can't change anyone.
Some things are just not meant to happen no matter how hard you try or how badly you want them.
And sometimes there are no explanations for that.
Listen to your intuition and trust your instincts more often.
Don't settle for less; the moment you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.
Contentment or gratitude is one of the best gifts in life.
Soulmates and true love do exist whether you believe they do or not.
Stay away from people who drain your energy and time in vain.
You're and always have been good enough; don't make anyone tell you otherwise.
If they do, see #15.
You can choose to be either average or exceptional; it's your choice, really.
Don't make the same mistake twice. If you do, then don't make it three times.
Smile. A lot.
Don't believe everything you're told.
Actions speak much louder than words.
When somebody tells you they know and want what's best for you, this usually means they want you to do what they say without arguments.
Blaming others for your problems will never solve anything; take responsibility and act accordingly.
Read; dance; and sing a lot.
Depend more on yourself and less on other people.
Learn to enjoy activities by yourself.
Don't use mobile phones often.
Forgiveness does you more well than the person you're forgiving.
Learn to let go of people/possessions/circumstances that are causing you harm.
Show more appreciation and love to those you love and care about.
If you're married or in a relationship, be more romantic and attentive to your husband/partner.
If you're single, be more attentive and loving to yourself.
Write a love letter to your husband every now and then.
If you're single, pretend you're with the love of your life and write a letter from him/her to you.
You can be your own hero or heroine.
Don't regret making mistakes; mistakes come from more experiences and those make us more mature.
Count your blessings; and be grateful for them.
Solitude is your own retreat from a hectic world.
Keep smiling. =)

If I could sum up 2010 in one word, I'd say creepy... or freaky.

Please feel free to comment and share your own experiences and memories of 2010.

Happy life-changing, amazing 2011!

© Marwa Ayad

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Are You a Love Addict?

2010-12-19T14:11:00.000Z

I recommend you read my other post The Chemistry of Love first if you haven't already done so to learn more about the psychology of falling in and out of love.

Let's start with some questions; and please be honest:

Are you very needy when it comes to relationships?
Do you fall in love too easily or too quickly?
Do you lower your standards or settle for less than you deserve/want for the sake of "companionship"?
Have you been involved with people who could not commit and you were convinced you would make them change?
When you're attracted to someone, do you ignore all the warning signs that he/she isn't good for you?
Initial attraction is more important to you than anything else when it comes to falling in love and choosing a partner?
You thought/think if someone loved you that "special way" you would be eternally happy?
Romantic movies and songs solely define love for you?
When a relationship/engagement/marriage ends, you think your life is absolutely over and may consider suicide?
You take more than your share of responsibility for the survival of a relationship?
In some of your relationships, you were the only one in love?
You feel terribly lonely and depressed if you're not in love or a relationship?
You can't stand being alone and don't enjoy your own company?
You're scared of not finding someone to love or marry?
Your mind has almost always been occupied with romantic fantasies?
You fantasize about love or marriage almost the entire time, thinking of someone you used to love or the "perfect partner" who is going to walk into your life one day and make it amazing?
You were part of a love triangle before... and you didn't walk away?
You could pursue someone you're in love with even if he/she is with someone else?
You have no control over yourself when you're in love?
You've spied more than once on someone you loved before?
You've often neglected family and friends because of your relationship or love interest?
When you're in love, you're very jealous and/or possessive?
You don't mind chasing after someone who has clearly rejected you and desperately try to change their minds?
You're terrified of rejection or abandonment?
You have stayed with an abusive person or in an abusive relationship longer than you should?
You have a high tolerance for suffering in relationships; you are willing to suffer neglect, depression, loneliness, dishonesty—even abuse—to avoid the pain of separation?
You try very hard to be WHO your partner wants you to be, doing anything to please him/her (even sacrifice your needs or values)?
You can't say "no" to your partner if he/she threatens to leave you?
You feel "incomplete" if you're not in a relationship?
You have been with the "wrong person" before to avoid being lonely?
You have idolized a love interest and then blamed that person for not living up to your expectations?

If you have answered "yes" to several questions, then you're a Love Addict. And if you can recognize several of these things in your partner or someone you know, then he/she is a love addict.

A Love Addict is addicted to the "high" of being in love. Love addiction is much like any other addiction; it is focused on love as the solution to inner pain, loneliness and emptiness; and the relationship or the need for love/romance is all consuming. You may think it's a better type of addiction; but it's very dangerous and painful to both the person and their partner(s). The dire consequences of love addiction include: job loss, depression, loss of child custody and self-destructive behaviors.

What has made matters worse is the fact that the media has glorified love-addicted relationships as great love stories and love addicts as the greatest lovers! And sadly many societies are love and relationship addicted. Pressure to be in a relationship or get married; isn't that love addiction by definition? Since a very young age, how many of us (women) have been told that marriage is the ultimate award or "destination"? How many single women are looked down upon (no matter their personal/academic achievements or personalities) because they're not married yet? How many women are blamed on a daily basis for the breakdown of a marriage or relationship because she couldn't keep her husband/partner... and if only she had been more patient/loving/caring/whatever?

How many are blamed for being single and that they should "lower" their standards to be in relationships or get married? How many have been blamed for not grieving enough after the end of a relationship and moving on (not referring to rebound relationships here which is another love addict's feature, but rather letting go) which means the other person either never meant anything to them or they didn't love sincerely?

There are many examples. We need to become aware of our own cultural patterns of thinking, feeling and behavior that keep us addicted to love and/or relationships.

The are several types of Love Addicts; the two more common types are:

Narcisstic Love Addicts

They had a tough childhood where there was no or little attention/love given to them (causing inner rage and pain that surface often). They are rather detached from parents and family. Thus later in life they seek acceptance and safety which they did not get as children. The strange thing is narcissistic love addicts are charmers most of the time even though they usually suffer from depression and feel worthless without a partner or relationship. They need love or sex to relieve their hidden pain. They line up the next relationship before leaving their current one. This is also one of the reasons they're usually part of love triangles (they subconsciously seek drama). They keep looking for that "magical" feeling... that "magical" someone who will heal all their wounds and take care of them. Most of the time they're attracted to "very hot" people as they seek partners for validation. Fantasy is triggered and the he/she feels high, "It's karma, destiny, fate... we're soulmates".

Their greatest fear is abandonment or rejection; so they can't trust their partners and are emotionally or sexually unavailable later in the relationship; they can't commit or communicate. They're also very manipulative. They become cold, unloving, distant, selfish and easily excessively addicted to anything else outside the relationship (drugs, games, sex, alcohol, hobbies, someone else, shopping, etc.). They believe intense attraction and sex are basic human needs. They also confuse sexual attraction or lust with love. Most of the time they get attached to people they hardly know. They tend to idealize and obsess about their partner at first. So when they enter a relationship it's like being in a fantasy and they get high. Later they blame their partner for not living up to their unrealistic expectations. They want to be cared for and treasured by another, and are always disappointed. Because no one can satisfy their insatiable desires. They will go to great lengths to get partners to fulfill the big fantasy they have been holding in their minds for so long.

They are very angry and frustrated when their fantasy isn’t matched. They begin relationships by trying very hard to please and connect. They are driven to find someone to tell them they are lovable and loved; to find someone who will rescue them from their own inability to care for themselves; rescue them from their loneliness, emptiness, lack of self-love, inability to feel safe in the world without someone to protect them. They look for a relationship to make them feel whole. Stay tuned for more on Narcissists in another article.

Codependent Love Addicts

They suffer from self-esteem issues and insecurities. They willingly stay in a relationship long after its "expiration date" as I call it. It's very hard for them to let go. Their role in the relationship is that of the rescuer, saver, caregiver, etc. They very gladly accept/put up with emotional/physical abuse and neglect no matter how unbearable it is, all in the hope of their partner not leaving or loving them back one day. They love, protect and are generous to their partners excessively and unreasonably... which is considered by many - if not most of us - the most wonderful type of lover. They're rather... silent martyrs and may seek sympathy from others... or encouragement. But the relationship only gets more toxic. And they're often defensive of themselves or their partner's behaviors. "Well, he only yelled and slammed the door but didn't hit me"; or, "He/She only slapped me. I don't have any bruises"; or "Well, I really made him/her angry. I'm stupid and this is why he/she reacts like that." Remember, if it doesn't feel right, it's probably wrong.

They can become very unhappy within a relationship and it can affect them mentally, emotionally and psychologically. But they still can't let go. Their problem is they find it difficult to love or take care of themselves (low self-esteem). They are unable to protect themselves with healthy boundaries. Again Codependent Love Addicts probably faced some sort of abandonment or loss as children which resulted in them feeling worthless and created that sense of exaggerated longing. Again, their lack of nurturing was/is fueled by fantasies of being rescued or being the rescuer themselves.

Sadly, most love addicts refuse to acknowledge there's a problem at all with them. My advice to you is to not get involved with a love addict because it may devastate you in the end. Seek healthy relationships and people.

If you suspect you're a love addict yourself, then you need to address those serious issues from your childhood and past. STOP being obsessed with finding your prince or princess who will be the one to solve all your problems and give your life meaning. This desperate need of trying to find that person or regain a lost love can create much chaos and threaten life itself when chronic grief turns into suicidal thoughts. Be aware of love addiction "support" through the ideal of love in movies and songs. Love addicts are very self-delusional; all addictions have an element of denial but in case of love addiction it is more severe. Love addicts often don't see the connection between their pain and suffering and the illusionary love they seek.

The first step would be to recognize love addiction as such and then take the necessary steps to fulfill all those needs that have been delegated to The One. Find out what you can do to be good to yourself; learn to love yourself and to appreciate the good things in your life. Another important step is to accept that you may be single for a long time.

Develop a wide variety of interests and activities and make new friends. With all this, the emptiness and longing will go away. This will also increase your chances of finding a compatible partner. There's always hope if you really want to change and lead a happy, drama-free life. If you need more help, then seek that of a psychiatrist and try to read more about recovering from such an addiction.

With that said, deep down we all seek love. There's nothing wrong with wanting love or being romantic at heart. Being in love with the right person is a wonderful feeling and experience. There's also nothing wrong with grieving or mourning the breakdown of a relationship (but not becoming severely obsessed with the other person, too desperate to get them back no matter what and/or having suicidal thoughts). Letting go should not make you feel guilty or weak; strong people are those capable of properly letting go.

There's a huge difference between wanting love and a compulsive, chronic craving or pursuit of love in an effort to get our sense of security and worth from another person.

Please answer this one-question poll, too:
http://www.learnmyself.com/poll53945x61394592

Almost all the questions were retrieved from loveaddicts.org

Image: xedos4 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

© Marwa Ayad

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The Dream: Part III

2010-11-15T12:17:00.000Z

Part I

Part II

This is Part III which turned unexpectedly much longer than I had intended; hence the delay in publishing it.

***

Life in Egypt has changed, thought Ayman as he took his first steps in downtown Cairo. He had been gone for seven years, living in the States. However, the more he saw of his beloved Cairo the more sadness held a firmer grip on his heart. People looked more miserable. The homeless had multiplied and the beggars seemed to have invaded the city.

His Cairo. His hometown.

He remembered his friends, the ones he had left behind along with echoing laughter, young dreams and warm memories. The days they have shared hanging out at their favorite cafes and places. He had left his own country to search for fulfillment and personal glory. But none he had found.

He had also abandoned his own then-wife, his love, his home.

The friends he called now were no longer in touch with Zeina. Those he asked were either shocked he was only asking about her now or upset why he was asking about her at all after what he had done. He was told Zeina had isolated herself after what had happened and that she had traveled abroad. No one knew if she had come back.

But he had to find her. He had to reach her.

He sat down and started recalling her favorite places, but nothing particular came to mind. Funny when they had been together, he had hardly paid attention to such things. He remembered her best friend, Hend. He still had her email address and he prayed to God she would answer him.

Hend,

I know you haven't heard from me in ages. I also know how odd this may seem now. I'm back to Egypt and I really need to see Zeina. This is really urgent. Please help me and I shall be forever grateful to you.

Sincerely,
Ayman

He clicked Send and sat back, gazing non-stop at the screen.

***

"It must have been those dreams of hers at night that triggered your memory," said the doctor, a soothing smile on his face.

Zeina had earlier got a severe headache and fainted after staring at her daughter's picture. When she woke up, her memory had returned, and so had the headache. She recalled the car accident and the crushing violence of the whole scene. The crash was so so strong that her daughter's body hit hard against the dashboard and through the glass. They were driving back home when a drunk driver coming fast in the opposite direction lost control of his car and hit their car head-on. The driver died instantly in the crash, she was later told.

She went inside her daughter's room in the Intensive Care Unit. So many surgeries had been done on the little girl of only seven years. So many tubes were attached to her arm and face. She was still in a coma. There she lay motionless in bed like a baby. She remembered when she had given birth to her. She looked almost the same now.

***

The next morning Ayman found a reply from Hend. This had to be one of his lucky days, hearing from her.

I don't know what to tell you, especially after what you've done to her! How could you leave her like that? So what happened now? Your conscience has finally pricked you and you want to repent? What makes you think you could? Do you know how much pain and heartache she had to go through? You're the worst man I've ever met.

Anyway, Zeina traveled to Australia years ago, but has recently come back. Very sadly, she had an accident a couple of months ago while on vacation here and is now in hospital. Thank God I was with her that day, but sadly she was the one severely injured along with someone else.

I have to call her and ask if she wants to see you. You also have to understand and respect her opinion if she doesn't want to. It's just very strange because only yesterday she regained her memory!

May I ask why you want to see her now?

After a couple of emails back and forth, Hend told him the name and address of the hospital where Zeina was. Zeina had agreed to see him.

But very briefly, Hend told him in the email.

A few hours later Ayman was at the hospital. He had wanted to talk to her doctor before he met her. He introduced himself as her ex-husband. The doctor told him she was fine as long as he didn't surprise or upset her in any way.

"And I'm sure in time the girl will be fine,, too," said the doctor.

What girl? thought Ayman as he thanked the doctor.

How...when the mere sight of me might even shock her? thought Ayman.

He walked towards Room 212. He didn't expect to see her so soon. She sat at a desk in the room. Her dark hair had grown much taller, covering her back. But she was much thinner now, he could tell. It had to be the time she had spent at the hospital.

Or sadness, he thought.

She was gazing outside the window. He wondered what she was thinking about.

As if she knew he had been staring at her, she turned towards him quietly. "Ayman," she slowly uttered his name.

He smiled, tears filling his eyes. He walked towards her, his steps hesitant. The sound of his silent prayers seemed louder than anything else around him. He wondered whether he should give her the lilies he had brought her. Her favorite lilies. After abandoning her and disappearing for seven years. Yet, lilies was all he could get her now.

She looked the other way. "I knew you'd come. Don't ask me how. But I knew you'd come."

He didn't know what to say. For the first time in his life, he had nothing to say. There was nothing he could say.

"I didn't know you were here in Egypt," Zeina said.

"I just got back. I've been thinking of you."

"I've been dreaming of you."

"So have I. And my dreams were...vivid and seem so real," he said.

She stood up. He could see her face more clearly now. Semi-dark halos surrounded her brown eyes. Her eyes had lost their sparkle. He wondered how long she cried after he had been gone. Her eyes met his. Agony squeezed his heart. Her eyes were void of feelings. They were silent. And Zeina's eyes were never silent.

She took his hand and lead him outside the room. It was his heart now that skipped a beat.

"Remember when you took off just like that and traveled? You just cut off all contact with me. Of course there's a price you have to pay for that now."

They stopped before the Intensive Care Unit. She looked at him, her gaze fixed on his face. "Your daughter is inside. She's been in a coma for six weeks now. Pray for her." She paused. "Her name is Yara."

He couldn't make up what she had just said. The walls started closing in on him. A daughter? Had she said a daughter? A daughter he had known nothing about for seven years? Seven years? What kind of a father was he? What kind of a man? And Zeina had raised her all by herself. There lay before them what Ayman believed to be the most beautiful child he had ever seen.

"I think she's an angel from God. And I truly mean that. She has been visiting me in my dreams. I've been seeing visions of her as a baby and a child. I lost my memory and she came to me to bring it back. And she brought you to me in the last dream. This is how I knew you'd come."

He could see the resemblance. The child had taken after her mother, but she had his brown hair and wide forehead.

"She came to see me a couple of weeks ago, too...in a dream. I've seen her before."

Ayman touched his child's hand and he felt his daughter shiver. Oh, there was hope! There had to be hope.

Oh God Almighty, in your heavens! Please bring her to life. If this is the last prayer for me, please bring her back to her mother and me, thought Ayman.

He had left his wife and child for illusions. What could all the money in the world do now? And all the beautiful, sexy girls he had run after...seemingly endless nights or virtual strangers? No, he would never forgive himself if anything happened to her. His own child whom he had somehow turned into an orphan years ago.

But Zeina was somewhere else. Her thoughts had taken her to when they had been together happily in love. And then those thoughts snatched her to when he had walked out on her ruthlessly, without hesitation. Did he have any idea how much she had had to go through to get over him and raise their child all on her own?

"Do you think you can give me another chance, Zeina? Do you think you could ever forgive me?"

She glanced at her daughter. "Let's not talk until she wakes up from her coma. Feel free to come look at her any time. I don't want to talk."

Zeina went outside the room and watched him through the glass. Both his hands were covering his face as he wept next to his daughter. For a moment Zeina imagined what it would have been like being together as a family all along. For a moment, she was lost in his face which seemed a bit older now. Fine wrinkles surrounded his eyes and were accentuated with his smiles. The very same face that had captured before.

Hadn't she known it all along...that he would be back some day, after a certain price he had to pay? Would she able to forgive him now?

Forgive what exactly? she thought again. The abandonment, irresponsibility or carelessness? Leaving her and his daughter for seven years...seeking what?

He came out of the ICU a couple of hours later and went to talk to Zeina.

"Why didn't you tell me?" were the first words that came out of his mouth. Anger had painted his face a darker shade.

She looked at him, her gaze unchanging. "I found out I was pregnant a month after you'd left. You made sure I wouldn't be able to contact you and you did a darn good job!" Her voice was slightly louder now. "You have no family here and your contact details had changed. I sent an email to your best friend, Sameh. I told him I'd just found out about the pregnancy. And now you'll tell me he didn't tell you!"

The anger on his face vanished, replaced by blankness. "He... didn't... tell... me."

Zeina continued like she hadn't heard him. "He never even replied to my email. I sent him a couple of text messages and he never replied to those either. It was very clear you wanted nothing to do with me. Another shock from you. What the hell? You know I sometimes think you only married me to torture me. Why? WHY? I've never done you wrong. I've never loved anyone as much as I've loved you. You were my whole world. You never even gave our marriage a second chance. I hope whatever or whoever you were after was worth it... worth your marriage and family. You were just so freakin' delusional. And now you're back. For what? Why are you here?"

"He didn't tell me," he repeated again, more clearly this time. "Why didn't he?"

She had been lost in thought before she answered. "May he thought it wouldn't change things between us! May be he even thought I was lying to get you back. How should I know? He's your friend, not mine."

"I've seen Yara in my dream," he said softly.

"I don't think we need you in our lives now, Ayman. Even if we want you, we don't need you. You'll only cause us more heartache. You can't commit. You can't raise a child." She paused. "You have missed some of the best years of her life, you know. She's the most brilliant child you could ever know. She started talking really early, too... and she's got this artistic side... and she can be so funny and charming. She's my gift from God. I know she'll get through this. She's a survivor... just like her mother. Just like I didn't think I'd survive the breakdown of our marriage, but I did."

Now his weeping turned to sobs. It made her almost shiver. It would have been the perfect moment to run towards him and take him in her arms. But she couldn't move. She did not want to move. She looked at him, tears frozen in her eyes.

The following week Ayman would show up very early and stay by his daughter's bedside all day long.

Days later, Zeina was looking through some of her daughter's poems. A poem titled Forgiveness caught her eyes which she didn't remember. She started reading:

Forgiveness
I ask you
To land here
Take away all the fear
in my mother's heart
Make her see
The power of forgiving
And how it shall heal
So that's what's meant to be
Can find a way back to me

Was that the answer she had asked God to send her? She hadn't read that poem before today and would always make her read her poems. When had Yara written it?

Was that why she had come to her in the dream with him? But he had broken her heart and stepped brutally on the shards so she couldn't even heal.

A nurse knocked on the door. "I think you need to come with me." Her smile brightnned Zeina's heart.

The doctor was waiting for her near Yara's bed. "She's been showing more responses...and this is really great news. Could be her father talking to her. He does it for many hours every day."

Zeina's smile was wet with tears. "Thank you, Doctor. I'm sure it's helping somehow."

Well, it would take time for the past to heal. She might be able to forgive him fully one day. The process had already started. How could it not when he was apparently helping Yara come back to life? Had she missed her father that much... that her soul was seeking him in dreams and now responding with him next to her?

She went inside the room and stood quietly by the door. He hadn't noticed. He was talking to Yara as if she was really wide awake and listening to him. He was telling her about his life away from them and how lonely he had been... how it taken him seven years to find out they were all he had ever needed. He told her how much he missed her and how he wanted to talk to her face to face. He told her how much he loved her mother and how much he had lost by losing her. And how much he was willing to do to now make them a whole family again.

Zeina approached him and sat quietly next to him. Slowly she rested her left hand on his, a gesture she had been used to years ago. As if electrified, he looked up at her. She didn't take her eyes off her daughter. A smile was drawn on her rosy lips. How he wanted to cry in her arms. How he wanted to hug her and diffuse all the pain in her heart.

"Will you be able to forgive me?" he asked, avoiding her eyes. "I know it may be too soon for this, but I want us together again. Me, you and Yara."

She reached in her pocket and gave him a folded paper. "Read this," she said.

Dear Beloved,

Our future daughter came to see me again last night. She looked so lovely. And she seemed sun-tanned. Too much fun days in the sun, I hope. She was watching us silently. You were crying and asking for my love. I cried, too, and told you how much I loved you.

I promise I shall give this letter to you when you’re with me so you know how I lived my days until having you for real.

Yours Forever,
Zeina

"I wrote this when I was suffering from memory loss a couple of weeks ago. It's for you," she said. "Even my memory loss which I had so once wished for didn't remove your love from my heart," she said.

There it filled the air around them.

Forgiveness.

***The End***

© Marwa Ayad

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The Dream: Part II

2010-11-01T18:34:00.000Z

Read Part I here.

***

Zeina opened her eyes. Everything was blurry.

"Time for your medicine, Zeina."

For an instant, Zeina couldn't recognize the voice. She looked around her, one sweeping look taking the whole room in. A photo of a young girl in a silver frame on a table nearby caught her eyes.

"Who is this?" she asked the woman in the white overall. A nurse.

"Do you recognize her?"

"She looks like my daughter," she paused. "The one from my dreams."

"I'll go get the doctor," said the nurse, rushing outside the room.

Zeina stood up and looked outside the window. Where was she? Why did everything seem so unfamiliar? And, above all, why was she in a hospital?

The doctor came in, a calm smile on his face. "Zeina, you said you were starting to remember a girl...your daughter?"

"I've been seeing her in dreams."

"That's a good start. You've been suffering from memory loss lately, Zeina. So this is really good news."

Zeina was more confused now. "What are you telling me, doctor?"

The doctor sat down, still looking at her. "You see, Zeina, there was a bad accident. You were severely injured and you lost your memory. Your daughter was even in a worse condition than yours. She is still in a coma. This photo of hers was in your bag and months ago you asked us to put it in a frame."

"I have a daughter?" Zeina asked through tear-filled eyes.

***

Sometimes Ayman wished he would change back time, take back certain things he had done. He wondered what life would have been like now with Zeina by his side. For some reason, it seemed they had always been meant to be together. And indeed he was happy when they were. But at the time he had much bigger dreams and he changed a lot after marriage. He might have taken her for granted. All he knew was that he didn't want to be with her anymore. And he just left, thinking he would be happier away from her and that somehow being with her had blocked his happiness.

He didn't even give her a second chance. He just left, convincing himself that what they had shared hadn't been love and what Zeina had been to him was something he could find with another.

Now seven years later, he was even more lost than he had felt when he was with her. He might have acquired some of the things he had been looking for, what he had once thought he had wanted -- not necessarily needed. After all, he had changed his career, traveled around a lot, met a thousand of people, been with other girls -- but never married again. To anyone who didn't know him well, he seemed very happy.

But he had never found what he had once shared with Zeina. If anything, it seemed to him like he could only find the opposite. The quiet, peaceful life he had thought of as boring was now a far-away dream. All the women he had been with seemed to not care about his peace of mind, their needs had always come first. Putting up with him in his worst moods was something he couldn't even ask for now. He had learned the very hard way how love could not be taught. No matter how often he had told the women he had been with--and whom he had been very attracted to-- how to treat him and love him, they never listened.

Love can't be taught, sweetheart, Zeina had once told him.

That was unconditional love and safety she had given him, pure and simple. He had chosen to see her as a normal wife, who was nice to and took care of him. After all, that was what he had told her that day. That such things alone didn't sustain a marriage.

He had chosen then not to see her endless kindness, never complaining, always putting his needs first, accommodating herself to suit his many needs and dark moods. He chose to see her selflessness as timidness. He had promised her when they got married how he would take care of and love her forever. Yet, despite his many promises, he had never done so.

And now he wept. Feverishly.

God must be punishing him. For being so ungrateful, so ignorant.

He never looked back after leaving her. So why did he miss her that much now; and why did it hurt? Was it because he was only now beginning to understand what Zeina told him when he had last seen her?

"Just remember you've chosen to walk away from the one thing you have and shall be looking for your whole life. With your own choice."

Even if he found her, would she ever forgive him? Would she be the one giving him a second chance? It had been seven years. She was most probably married to someone who knew how to take care of and love her.

--To be continued...

© Marwa Ayad

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Happiness or Contentment?

2010-10-26T20:30:00.000+01:00

I was talking to a friend of mine days ago. The conversation took an unexpected turn when we started talking about happiness and contentment. Both our definitions were different.

She thought happiness was far better than contentment. "Contentment is simply settling for less," she said.

"How so?"

"Well, you decide that you're fine with what you have and it makes you kind of happy. That's being content."

"And happiness?" I asked.

"Happiness is getting what you want or more...the right career, the adorable husband, the amazing house, etc. Happiness is pleasure. Why settle for semi-happiness?"

"How can these things or people make you happy? You're not happy right now with them, but rather about what these things or people will do to you in the future. The perfect job is probably more money and now you can do more and buy more things with the extra money. The adorable husband will take care of you and some of your dreams or life goals can now be realized. Soon enough there will be other milestones and destinations. Happiness is about the future, not the present.

"Acquiring things or people for that matter won't make you happy...forever. Of course, you'll be excited and thrilled at first. This is after all what you've been dreaming of for so long. But the human mind can sometimes be strange to understand. We keep looking for happiness outside. Are people with more money happy forever? People with better health? People with amazing lovers, sexy bodies or brilliant careers? Because we tend to want everything. Once a slot is filled, we quickly look to fill the next empty one and so on. So you have to be happy within. Actually content is the right word in this case. Being content is being grateful for what God Has given you...for what you have right now, not thinking about what it/they will bring you tomorrow. For instance, you may not be 100% happy with your job. You actually may be stressed, overworked and it may not be the right career for you. You can choose to look at it this way. Or you can still have your goal on your mental radar and be content with what you have now. After all, hundreds of thousands of people don't have jobs; and you do."

"So, you're saying that if someone who seems fine proposes to me, I should accept and be content with him as a husband?"

"Nope, I didn't say that. Let me ask you a question. If you meet a wonderful guy and you fall in love with him, how happy will you be to marry him? Now how long do you think this happiness will last? After some time, you'll get used to him, his love and his company. Passion may start to fade away and things aren't as exciting as they once were. That's life, after all. Would you go look for another someone to make you happy and excite you again? Or would you be content with him and your marriage and allow happiness to creep up on you every once in a while? Is that settling for less? Not at all. That's contentment which can last a lifetime. It's in your hands to see less as more. And you'll start seeing more as much more which will make you much happier. When you're content, you can find happiness and goodness in almost anything! Your reward is that the happy times will stretch for you and the bad times will shorten in length," I said.

To me being content is being grateful. Life has taught me that when you're grateful for the "little" things, it gives you more to be grateful for and there's less to stress about. That's being content. Now the amazing thing is if you're not naturally content, it may take you some time to learn it. The instant you realize you're settling for less, contentment flees outside the door. That's the secret. Some people keep looking for happiness outside of them. They spend their lives doing so, making more and more money, or moving from one relationship to the next because they're not "happy yet" or "not happy anymore". Happiness can become the definition of what we do not have rather than what we already do. And such people, sarcastically, are never happy no matter what or who they keep getting. Because that ideal happiness keeps getting harder and harder to find. Their desire/need for happiness will never be fulfilled this way. They will always seek or want more.

A content person is peaceful and accepts with gratitude what life gives him. They accept themselves and others, talents and flaws. Being content is a choice. "Ideal" happiness is temporary (acquired by external circumstances/possessions/people); and when we lose it, we become insecure, fearful, depressed, sad, angry, etc. until there's something else to be happy about.

Just like I believe that part of love is choice and decision. You decide to put energy into something.

You can also help yourself become more content. Avoid negative people and "sad" or depressing music, TV or movies. And unless you start looking inside of you for happiness, you'll keep seeking it outside...and you will spend your life doing so in vain.

"Riches are not from an abundance of wordly goods, but from a contented mind."- Prophet Muhammad

Let me hear your thoughts.

© Marwa Ayad

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The Dream: Part I

2010-10-16T19:32:00.000+01:00

Zeina saw her again in her dream. She wasn’t sure if that was her own self as a child or her future daughter. This time she was seven years old. There stood the little girl before her, so vivid, looking at her. Waiting.

Why lately? Was the little girl here to remind her of something or tell her she missed her? Was she here to remind her of the future, better days ahead?

She had come to her as a baby before. Her skin so white, her hair dark. Now she was a girl who wore her hair in two plaits and who had the most amusing expression on her face. Her skin was tanned, slightly sun-burned.

It must be time travel! But who was traveling to see whom? Her daughter, no doubt.

The most puzzling question was why the little girl always showed up with "him". Always looking at them both in the dream.

Was he going to be her father?

She missed him. But he made it up to her in dreams.

Zeina often thought she enjoyed being asleep than awake. She had another life with him—an alternate one. They would talk, laugh and make love then. In dreams, they were husband and wife and together had the most loving family. In dreams, he touched her and told her how much he loved her. In real life, she was willingly alone, though often scared of her own loneliness. In real life, they were still strangers, separated by miles, doubts and dark thoughts.

Long ago Zeina believed there was a dark chamber in everyone's heart where all sad memories and darkness were kept and locked. Once unlocked, she would become the worst version of herself: angry, depressed and self-destructive. No, she wouldn’t unlock it.

But this time was different. This time she longed to throw the key away so all darkness would come out and diffuse from her heart to the universe around her. The chamber was so full and her heart felt so heavy. A million smiles didn't help. And now she longed for him more than she had longed for anyone her whole life. She did not want to feel weak. And he was her only weakness.

She longed to be free.

Of herself. Of him.

She wanted to free herself for her future self...and her daughter. The one who came to check on her every once in a while. The one that wanted to remind her of a future so near…or far away.

When Zeina woke up that day, she remembered so well her daughter’s face. She also noticed the tears streaming down her own. She grabbed a blank paper and started drawing and shading. When she was done, she added the painting to her daughter's collection: drawings of her as a newborn then aged three and now seven.

I must be going mad! Zeina told herself.

She had never desired anyone but him, nor loved anyone more than him. Isn’t that how he had showed up in her life first…through dreams?

She should have asked her, she thought to herself. She should have asked her time traveling daughter about the future…and most importantly about dates and major events.

What was it she said in their last dream?

No, she was silent. Like she wasn’t allowed or ordered not to talk so as not to mess up future events. But the hug. The hug spoke a language of its own. It was so warm. Her daughter was clinging to her. Tears rolled down Zeina’s face. For a very long time, she believed she wasn’t destined to be a mother.

She had written them down: those dreams with her daughter in them. She had written every single one down. In another life, Zeina would have been a mother with a loving family.

May be dreams were the “real life” where there were no boundaries, restrictions or broken hearts. Everything was the way it should be. Her salvation. With those that matter.

She grabbed a piece of paper and started writing:

Dear Beloved,

Our future daughter came to see me again last night. She looked so lovely. And she seemed sun-tanned. Too much fun days in the sun, I hope. She was watching us silently. You were crying and asking for my love. I cried, too, and told you how much I loved you.

I promise I shall give this letter to you when you’re with me so you know how I lived my days until having you for real.

Yours Forever,
Zeina

She put down the pen, swallowed a couple of sleeping pills and went back to sleep.

***

Ayman woke up from sleep in cold sweat. He rarely remembered is dreams. Not this dream. There was a young girl. What was it she whispered in his right ear? Something about marriage…or family. Zeina was there. They were talking and the little girl was watching. Then she hugged Zeina.

Darn! He wished he would remember the dream more clearly. This is also why he sometimes hated dreams. He felt very emotional afterwards at times. He who had always been in control.

He thought of her. Zeina. His Zeina. He couldn’t recall how things had ended between them…or who said what to whom. He remembered her smile, kindness and the way she used to look at him. He recalled the way the sun glazed her face and hair with a golden hue. For some unknown reason, she seemed the only woman on earth who had ever understood him and let him be who he wanted to be. How blind he had been!

Why did they drift apart? Who would let go of something so rare, so precious like that? He wondered where she would be now. She might even be with someone else.

He smiled to himself. They had to be together again. It was pure…

Destiny.

-- To be continued...

© Marwa Ayad

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The Chemistry of Love: How Relationships and Breakups Happen

2010-10-14T16:05:00.000+01:00

Well, you should know there are three basic stages of Love:

Infatuation
Attraction
Attachment

Infatuation or lust is the initial passionate, sexual desire. In the first stage, sex hormones as testosterone and estrogen are released in greater amounts.

Then you quickly move to the “falling in love” or “crazy about you” phase where you start obsessing about that person. Many chemicals are released: PEA (phenyl ethyl amine), dopamine (which is also activated by cocaine) and nor-epinephrine (which stimulates adrenaline production). These chemicals combined give us that feeling of infatuation. It is why new lovers feel euphoric and energized, floating on air. It is also why new lovers are rather inseparable and can talk all night for weeks on end. The effects of this stage last from several weeks to several months, depending on the person and circumstances.

However, the interesting thing is when we have great chemistry with someone, it's hardly flattering! According to Dr. Harville Hendrix our brain dumps PEA when we identify someone who can finish our childhood business; that is when our brain recognizes the original child-parent relationship!

Later in this highly-charged stage, serotonin and endorphins are released as well. Serotonin is a natural anti-depressant; endorphins give the feeling of morphine-like calmness and they promote feelings of intimacy, comfort and warmth. They don’t give those “hyper” feelings experienced before; however, they can be more addictive. The absence of endorphins is responsible for making you miss or yearn for your loved one when apart. This stage lasts from several months to a few years.

By the way, endorphins are also released after a good workout or eating good-quality chocolate; remember that!

When infatuation and attraction subside and things seem to be cooling off, it’s the last stage which many don’t reach (and when breakups often happen). This is the "unconditional acceptance", lucky attachment phase. This involves commitment and is responsible for long-term relationships. Here you are aware of both the positive and negative traits of your partner AND you've decided you want to build a life together.

In this stage, higher levels of the chemicals oxytocin and vasopressin are produced to a greater degree than in short-term relationships; both promote bonding and devotion to your partner. They are both released when we’re physically intimate—while holding hands, kissing, cuddling, or having sex. Oxytocin makes people calmer and more sensitive to others’ feelings. Oxytocin is also linked to milk production in women.

Only the “attachment phase” of love is physiologically sustainable and can thus endure. This incidentally is real love; the earlier stages are a part of love, too, but as amazing as they can be, they’re always and must be transitory and short-lived. They can’t last, but a deeper sense of love and commitment is achieved instead which is, after all, what we are eventually seeking.

Which reminds me: Don't take it too personally when someone breaks up with you or tells you they're no longer in love with you. I know this is so hard to grasp at first. But the truth of the matter is most of the time it's not about you. They've run out of their "love cocktail". They weren't in love with you to begin with; they were in love with being "high”; sadly not you.

Accordingly, some people become "love addicts" or "junkies" based on these facts. They badly need this chemical "excitement" to be intoxicated by life (which happens in the earlier stage of love). Once this initial rush of chemicals wanes (inevitable after several months to several years, depending on the individual and the circumstances), the relationship crumbles. They're soon off again, seeking a "quick fix" to their forlorn feelings and "shattered dreams": another chemical high from infatuation.

These love junkies also have one other problem. The body builds up tolerance to these chemicals. Then it takes more and more chemistry to bring that “special” feeling of love which they crave.

Many adults go through life in a series of three-month to three-year relationships. If these love junkies stay married, they are likely to seek affairs to fuel their chemical highs.

One of the best things I've ever learned is knowing if someone is/will be happy in their marriage, or marriage-to-be. The answer is very simple. It’s actually a question:

How happy were/are they before getting married?

There's your answer.

Remember in the first stages of love, we project expectations and ideals on our partner. Both parties are also on their best behavior. The chemicals produced in the early stages do that to you. They "suspend observation and distort perception" which is why after some time some people think they have fallen out of love because their beloved no longer meets their ‘fantasy standards’. Now you know why.
Whoever abandons the other first in a relationship breaks free from the "spell of love" first.

Surprisingly enough, there have been suggestions that the levels of dopamine and serotonin drop off first in the originally less happy partner who wasn't at peace with themselves from the start. The one with more self-doubts and less self-acceptance breaks free from the biochemical spell often fast, too.

The closer to the attachment phase you are, the more difficult a breakup is on you and the greater the withdrawal symptoms are (from all the chemicals you’re now being denied being apart from the one you love)—similar to the withdrawal symptoms of a narcotic! The deeper in love you are with someone, the more painful abandonment or betrayal of that person feels.

My advice to you: Even though we have no control over who we fall in love with, we can control who we get in a relationship with. Choose someone happy about who they are and at peace with themselves. AVOID like the plague anyone who tells you they've been waiting for you to save/fix/help them or make them happy. Observe that person: what they have achieved in their life so far, their parents’ relationship with each other, how that person treats others, the kind of relationships he/she has been in and HOW and WHY things ended (you could observe a pattern). See if they jump from relationship to relationship because "they're addicted to love" and being in relationships.

Just remember a relationship can never remain in the “infatuation” or “attraction” stage indefinitely; it’s not really a sign you’re in the wrong relationship.

Apart from chemistry, love is still a mystery to many of us and I enjoy writing about it in my novels. Here’s something (non-chemical) I’ve written before about love:

Love hurts. A lot. It's unexplained. It's unexpected. It's very clear. It's strange. It's mysterious. It’s cruel. It's kind. It's sweet. It's bitter. It's sadness. It's pure joy. It's torture. It's relief. It's nothing. It's everything.

Exactly. No one can figure out love.

I can tell you one thing though: Everyone's version of love is different. Some have dwelled on the bright side; others on the very dark side. So don't let others' stories affect you.

My side of the story is that love is cruelly kind, vaguely clear, sweetly bitter and sadly joyful.

Real love is different. Real love is about two people letting go of their selfishness selflessly for love. Real love is about hanging on, and still knowing your someone is on the other side holding the other side of the rope, even if only ever so lightly. Real love is about understanding, commitment, intuition, communication, patience, and faith... a lot of faith. Real love is strengthened with time, not otherwise.

Most importantly remember to fall in love with yourself first; only then others will follow.

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© Marwa Ayad

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I Write Like...

2010-07-14T11:24:00.000+01:00

I write like
Stephen King

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

"Lost" Thoughts on "Lost Finale"

2010-06-18T18:02:00.000+01:00

**Spoilers ahead if you haven't watched the Lost finale yet*

So, "Lost" ended; and life is still going on. Seriously, as a huge LOST fan, I was disappointed in the Lost finale. The finale that was supposed to answer questions and mysteries that have lasted for years, not create more of them. The finale that was supposed to make much sense, not more non-sense. The finale that was supposed to leave me breathless, wanting for more with "Ahhh's" and "Oh, I see's!" at least every once in a while.

What happened is that I was let down. and I got the feeling that the writers were in a rush to cook things up on the island...and also explain the alternate-life theory which has so engaged me for a whole season...even more than what was going on in the island. Because their alternate lives were supposed to make sense and would have given all viewers a satisfying and hopeful ending at least...rather to find out it's their post-death (or life) meeting place where they're all supposed to gather in Purgatory and be greeted by Christian Shephard and his again-empty coffin. It doesn't explain the kills, chases, bruises that Jack kept finding on his body. I was so absorbed in their alternate realities...to find out they're dead!

Nice.

Now that I think of it, it seems like the worst episode of the entire series!

There could have been a more believable explanation for the characters' alternate realities. Why not go with the idea that detonating the hydrogen bomb did in fact create another time thread or alternate reality as they had us believe in the opening of Season 6? And why would Miles hear Juliet say "It worked"while standing near her grave...and now we know it didn't?

Would have made much more sense that way and would have been more intriguing!

With that said: Lost will be dearly missed. I don't think any TV show will ever come close to Lost even with all its plot "holes". No more Jack, Desmund or Sawyer. Life can be hard.

Oh Lost!

My Favorite Things

2010-04-03T13:17:00.000+01:00

I've been wanting to write about this for quite some time. My first choice is reading Qur'an and making dua'a and that can't be compared to anything.

Other than that, I call the list below a list of my favorite things; things that help cheer me up... even make me happy temporarily, especially if I start to feel down which are also known as drugs of choice (in random order):

Love
A sunny, warm day
A perfect cup of coffee

A gentle cool summer breeze on a very hot day
Conversations with my 2.5-year-old nephew
My baby niece grinning at me
Reading a good book

Writing for hours
Sleeping in
A cool, crisp Autumn evening
Inspirational, touching music
"Everything" by Michael Buble (one of my all-time favorite songs)
Inspirational, upbeat music
Watching Frasier and laughing (my all-time favorite sitcom)
Charmed (my all-time favorite TV show)

Playing a good game that sucks you in for some time
A "surprise" gift for no reason at all
The scent of jasmine and gardenia in my parents' garden in the summer
The smell of my mother's cakes fresh out of the oven
A long walk in the English countryside on a warm, sunny day

Memories that stir up the soul
High-quality chocolate

Favorite childhood smells
Red roses

Scented candles
Having silent conversations with my (fictional) characters
Sipping cinnamon latte and having cheesecake at Costa (my favorite cafe)
Watching people interact while listening to music
Silence when needed
Happy news after a long wait
Photos of me as a child with my late grandparents
Holding my novel
Getting fan mail
Reading great reviews of my debut novel The Years of Silence
Unexpected kindness from strangers
Browsing books at a huge bookstore
Chocolate donuts from the bakery around the corner
Watching Nigella Lawson cook and bake on TV

The Art of Ignoring Negative Book Reviews

2010-03-27T14:08:00.000Z

Every published author gets them... and you just have to cope. I'm talking about bad or negative book reviews. Bear in mind, there are "constructive", professional reviews; those that help you take a step back and see your work from another angle and how you can improve your writing. Those are welcome, at least for me.

I'm talking about subjective, mean reviews. Those that seem to "judge" the book and the author in a rather unprofessional, very personal way.

From my own experience, it's best to just shrug them off. Such reviews won't help you be a better writer. And if they can't do that, then just IGNORE.

Don't feel judged, upset (though sometimes it's hard not to), or pressured. If anything, thank the reviewer! Yup. It may confuse them a bit even. And sometimes, they'll respond and try to justify their "review" adding a little but of "strange" sweetness this time.

It does get very weird, however, when you feel like the reviewer has something against you... like they want to prove you're just not a good enough writer. Again, ignore.

A way of telling this is watching the language of the reviewer. Do they seem offended... or offensive? Are they defensive? Do they seem "hurt" by the book or you and they're whining (I kid you not!)? Do they sound like they expected "paradise", only to find "hell" and they make sure they get the message across like that? Even better, they could have written the book "better"?!

Yeah, if they're not objective, respectful, again IGNORE. Don't even read the whole review. Actually, tell them that you're looking forward to their "better" books. And mean it. Because out of curiosity, I'd look forward to that day very much. Too bad it'll never come.

Because let's face it: even the greatest of writers and authors get bad reviews. What kind of book isn't disliked by a few... or many? Does it demean the book? No! does it demean the author? Heck NO! This is like wining a race, then having someone tell you they don't see you as a winner... or something like that. It still means nothing. You won the race, didn't you? Whether when you published your book, received high ratings and praise/hopefully an ward, or any of that... you won the race...and then some.

A single or a few bad reviews are NOTHING. It's cumulative reviews from many (preferably accredited) sources that do count.

Feel free to share your opinions and thoughts, especially if you're a published writer.

And remember: Keep writing!

Happy "Falentine's" Day...and Other Thoughts!

2010-02-22T19:20:00.000Z

I just realized my last blog post was five months ago! That's quite a long time. I'm going to blame it on work and utter lack of time. I also promise to blog more regularly from now on.

Anyway, it's almost the end of February...the month of love for many. February that has turned very weird recently with all this hot weather. February...the month I was born in. February of the so-called Falentine's Day.

It dazzles me how much people change...and not just in a matter of years. It can be a matter of months or weeks...or days. Years ago, I used to be in awe of love. I used to look up at love and just be speechless. I think I built all my dreams around it. I thought it was all I needed to become complete...become who I'm meant to be and be happier.

Let's not jump to conclusions: What is love first of all?

Years ago my definition of love was either that of the ultra-romantic, fragile love that for some unknown reason is too perfect to even last so it has to end abruptly, often in tragedy one way or another (the impossible love story). But it doesn't stop there. Oh no! Its sweetness starts there with all the unbearable (sometimes even unimaginable) hollow pain, tears, memories and separation. That torture means something. Question is: Does this pain help us grow? Does it really help us? Or is that what we tell ourselves trying to make it all sound better so we even appear wiser in the process? I mean did people wake up one day and all agree that such type of love stories are supposed to make us stronger, better people? If so, show me some proof!

The second type of love is the illusional idolized type. You imagine someone bigger than they are, better than they are and you dream of them day and night. It starts like that. But be ware, it can keep growing and it can be unstoppable.

That's what I knew of love back then.

Blame it on the media...and those Hollywood movies that depict such types of love. We grow up and our brains soak up all that. Our parents and the authority figures we know don't talk about love or such "mundane" things; so by all means, bring the movies on!

Now years later, I may be the same childish, very romantic person within but I have quite different views of life...and love. Life has taught me a lot. I'm not trying to sound like a know-it-all-seen-it-all smart a**. No, I'm sharing my opinion which could be of some (or a lot of) value to you; so here are my two cents:

Love hurts. A LOT. It's unexplained. It's unexpected. It's very clear. It's strange. It's mysterious. It cruel. It's kind. It's sweet. It's bitter. It's sadness. It's pure joy. It's torture. It's relief. It's nothing. It's everything.

Exactly. No one can figure out love.

I can tell you one thing though: Everyone's version of love is different. Some have dwelled on the bright side; others on the very dark side. So don't let others' stories affect you.

My side of the story is that love is cruelly kind, vaguely clear, sweetly bitter and sadly joyful.

Real love is different. Real love is about two people letting go of their selfishness selflessly for love. Real love is about hanging on, and still knowing your someone is on the other side holding the other side of the rope, even if only ever so lightly. Real love is about understanding, commitment, intuition, communication, patience, and faith...a lot of faith.

What's your definition of love?

Bottom-line is: Don't be a love-victim. Yes, love can be like in the movies. But it's also much different. So, step away from the clouds for a while and give it some thought. Healthy love relationships do exist. Soul mates do exist.

And the first person you need to fall in love with is yourself, no one else. Because once you do, people will do the same. And among them will be the one...the one meant for you.

Which brings me to February again. I don't really celebrate Valentine's Day anymore. Yeah, me...the so very hopelessly-turned-hopefully romantic me. I remember years ago how almost "sacred" it was to me, how so very special it was...the chocolate and red roses and all that. I'm not saying I'm against it now, but I definitely don't like the idea of it turning into such a commercial holiday/parade!

I'd like to think love is something else. There are still gifts involved though. :)

And so happy belated Falentine's Day (with an F)!

Marwa Ayad's Website

Marwa's Facebook Fan Page

Follow Marwa on Twitter

Character Interview with The Years of Silence Heroine Maya Seif

2009-09-26T15:40:00.000+01:00

First, let me share with you one of the messages I got lately from Christine in Canada which absolutely made my day:

The whole premise of your novel touches my heart. I am in love with Maya and Yusuf and their story of true love and soulmate connections is so important to me. Keep writing---the world is truly blessed with your words in it.

Thank you so much Christine! I'm actually blessed to have readers like you. =)

And AT LAST here's the interview with the (FICTIONAL) heroine of my debut novel Maya Seif as promised (sorry about the unintentional delay). And to everyone who is asking: No, I'm NOT Maya. :)

Some of the Basics First:

Full Name: Maya Seif
Birth Date: 15 July 1981
Astrological Sign: Cancer
Birth Place: Alexandria, Egypt
Hair Color: Brown
Shape and Features of Face: Round face, "delicate" features
Eye Color: Hazel
Social Status: Married
Current Location: New York, US

Maya, how do you see yourself and how did the author see you?

I see myself as a very romantic and emotional person. I've changed throughout the book. At first, I had low self-esteem and I was struggling with an abusive husband. Then I became stronger and more determined. I would say the author, Marwa Ayad, saw me really well.

What was/is your biggest disappointment?

I would say I experienced a couple of disappointments throughout the novel; if you read the novel, you'll know what I'm talking about.

What, if anything, haunts you?

The darkest times in my first marriage and that ill-fated day when I had to go to the hospital haunt me from time to time; but to be honest, I've let go of the past and forgiven myself and anyone who has wronged me.

Has anyone ever failed you?

My ex-husband failed me.

Have you ever failed anyone?

I've failed myself before, but that's all changed, thankfully.

Do you keep your promises?

I do, yes.

Why, after sending Yusuf that last email, did you close your email account and change your number right away (a question from a reader)?

I was very disappointed in him and I felt I'd been lied to and deceived. I didn't want him to contact me again and thought it was best to put it all behind me; that's all I could think of at the time really.

Who is your first love?

Yusuf :)

What is the most important thing that ever happened to you?

Reuniting with Yusuf.

Since the release of the book, the author has received many messages and emails from women either in abusive marriages or divorced and many of them could relate to your story; what advice, if any, would you give such women, Maya?

I would tell them to be strong and stand up for themselves. They have to love and respect themselves enough to realize that no woman should put up with abuse of any kind, be it physical, verbal or silent. Learn to speak up; don't accept the unacceptable! Every woman deserves to be happy; don't let anyone take that away from you.

Finally, how are you and Yusuf doing now... what is life like now for you both?

Things are great! We're both blessed to be together; life isn't perfect all the time but when you share it with your soul mate, things are pretty different. We're still in the US and I'm a very busy mother with two kids now. :)

Thank you, Maya, for this lovely interview!

Don't forget, no matter where you live worldwide, you can buy a copy of my novel via this link.

Also feel free to read more about The Years of Silence on my website. You can also join my Facebook page and/or group to stay updated.

Free Book Download: The Poison Tree

2009-09-02T13:13:00.000+01:00

Now you can download The Poison Tree - planted & grown in Egypt by Marwa Rakha for free (pdf).

The Poison Tree is a collection of essays and articles by Egyptian writer Marwa Rakha; it combines the techniques of blogging, journal-keeping, and formal writing while retaining one binding thought that keeps the story together. This is a book about love, marriage, divorce, sex, dating, virginity, adult dating, religion, shame, taboos, gender wars and fear that grew and blossomed on Marwa's poison tree.

I first read this book last year and I enjoyed reading it, simply because of Marwa's lovely writing style and ideas. Though I don't agree with everything that she writes about, nor with all her thoughts, I still like this book because of the way Marwa opens up and talks about her feelings, innermost thoughts, past relationships....etc. It's a book worth reading especially if you're not familiar with Egyptian women.

Download it here:
http://www.marwarakha.com/index.php?categoryid=13&p2_articleid=702

Writer's Block Again!

2009-08-28T13:59:00.000+01:00

I hate writer's block. I want to write, fill my blank screen with words. I hear my dear characters talk inside my head; and I listen... so why can't I write? Or is it lack of focus?

Is it the fact that I'm too emotionally involved with them? Or is it the fact that I want to keep writing this novel for months because I love it so much? I'm not sure.

Anyway, here are several tips I've tried in the past which still help me (which means I ought to get offline now, at least!):

1- Unplug the internet

Forget about Facebook, GMail, Twitter, Instant Messengers and all that for a while and see how it goes.

2- Listen to music

3- Get some/more coffee (my favorite tip) :)

4- Stop thinking and start writing... whatever it is you write!

5- Eat healthy food and snacks to nourish your brain (more protein, fruits, veggies, nuts...etc.)

6- Take a shower, bath... or just be near a body of water

This works for me! I actually didn't know the exact reason behind this until I read about it in WRITE IT DOWN, MAKE IT HAPPEN by Henriette Anne Klauser. Moving water helps with creativity because of the negative ions it produces.

Positive ions are produced by machines and technology: computers, televisions, refrigerators, cars, airplanes, heating units and air conditioners...etc. Negative ions counter the exhausting effect of positive ions which is much better for immunity, the respiratory system and mood.

7- Read a book and return to writing later

Got any more tips? Please feel free to share!

Ramadan Mubarak!

2009-08-20T17:52:00.000+01:00

Ramadan has always had a very special place in my heart; mostly because of the serenity and peace that seem to fill the air all around; after all, devils and rebellious jinn are "chained" during that holy month. That's why it's believed if a person commits a sin during Ramadan, it's because of their own weakness and corrupted self (having been accustomed and addicted to sin...etc.).

Ramadan:
Ramadan is the ninth month of the Islamic calendar. It is the Islamic month of fasting, in which participating Muslims refrain from eating, drinking, sexual conduct, smoking, and indulging in anything that is in excess or ill-natured; from dawn until sunset. Fasting is meant to teach the Muslim patience, modesty and spirituality. Fasting inculcates self-restraint and self-control as the person fasting does not only have to abstain from food and drink, but s/he must also refrain from many other things: backbiting, gossiping, fighting, using foul language etc. Very strict words have been used in this regard:

The Prophet said, "Whoever does not give up false statements (i.e. telling lies), and evil deeds, and speaking bad words to others, Allah is not in need of his (fasting) leaving his food and drink" (Bukhari).

He also said, "If one of you is fasting, he should avoid sexual relation with his wife and quarreling, and if somebody should fight or quarrel with him, he should say, 'I am fasting'" (Bukhari).

It is logical that if the aim of fasting was only to stop eating and drinking for a specific period of time, then the spiritual objectives of fasting, which have been specified in the Quran, would not have been met. In the Quran, Allah specifically says:

O ye who believe! Fasting is prescribed for you, even as it was prescribed for those before you, that ye may ward off (evil) (2:183).

Ramaḍān is a time to fast for the sake of Allah, and to offer more prayer than usual. Muslims also believed through good actions, they get rewarded seventy times as much as they normally can achieve. During Ramaḍān, Muslims ask forgiveness for past sins, pray for guidance and help in refraining from everyday evils, and try to purify themselves through self-restraint and good deeds. As compared to solar calendar, the dates of Ramadan vary, moving forward about ten days each year. Ramadhan was the month in which the first verses of the Qur'an were revealed to the Prophet Muhammad.

The elderly, the chronically ill, and the mentally ill are exempt from fasting, although the first two groups must endeavor to feed the poor in place of their missed fasting. Also exempt are pregnant women, women during the period of their menstruation, and women nursing their newborns. While fasting is not considered compulsory in childhood, many children endeavor to complete as many fasts as possible as practice for later life. Lastly, those traveling are exempt, but must make up the days they miss.

A person who is observing Ramadan might break the fast accidentally, due to having forgotten it. In such an instance, one should spit out the food being eaten or cease the forbidden activity, immediately upon remembering the fast.

Laylat al-Qadr, considered the most holy night of the year, is the night in which the Qur'an was revealed to Muhammad, the "Night of the Power". Muslims believe it to have occurred on an odd-numbered night during the last 10 days of Ramadan..

"The Night of Power is better than a thousand months. The angels and the Spirit descend therein, by the permission of their Lord, with all decrees. (That night is) Peace until the rising of the dawn."

Ramadan ends with Eid ul-Fitr, with much celebration and feasts. During the month following Ramadan, called Shawwal, Muslims are encouraged to fast for a further six days, known as as-Sitta al-Bīḍ, or "the white six." When fasting is over, Muslims go to Mosques in new clothes to pray the first Eid prayer. They give out presents to the young ones and greet their friends and families. They then thank God for what He has given them.

Wishing all my Muslim friends worldwide a happy, blessed Ramadan insha'Allah. May Allah guide us towards making this Ramadan a source for gathering numerous blessings and getting our major and minor sins forgiven. Ameen.

رمضان كريم

News, Recipe and More!

2009-08-11T12:58:00.000+01:00

First, the great news for everyone in the US who has been waiting to get my book on Amazon: Lately, BOOK SPOT has been getting more orders for my book in the US and is soon going to be able to ship my book to anyone in the US (from inside the US) for much less, so it's going to be like getting my book on Amazon without extra shipping costs. Order your copy now! http://bookspotonline.com/middle.php?file=bookdetails&bookid=43933

Second, I had the worst flu ever! I actually think it might have been the swine flu. I'm better now, thank God.

Third, let me share with you one of my favorite cheesecake recipes (one of those recipes which -- if you especially enjoy baking-- will brighten up your day):

Classic No-Bake Cheesecake

Ingredients:

For the Crust:
1 3/4 cups biscuit crumbs
1/4 cup dark brown sugar
1 tsp. grated lemon zest
1 stick unsalted butter, melted and cooled

For the Filling:
900 grams cream cheese, at room temperature
1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup heavy cream
1 tsp. vanilla extract
1 tbsp. water
1 tsp. unflavored gelatin

Instructions:

Preheat an oven to 350°F (180°C).

To Make the Crust:
In a food processor fitted with the metal blade, combine the biscuit crumbs, brown sugar and lemon zest, and process to mix well. Add the butter and process until the crumbs begin to stick together. Press the crumbs evenly and firmly over the bottom and 2 inches up the side of a 9 x 2-1/2-inch deep springform pan. Bake the crust 10 minutes. Remove from the oven and cool to room temperature, about 30 minutes.

To Make the Filling:
In a large bowl, combine the cream cheese and granulated sugar. Using an electric mixer, beat on medium speed until well blended. Beat in 1/2 cup of the cream and the vanilla until incorporated.

Place the water in a small saucepan. Sprinkle the gelatin over the water and let soften for 5 minutes. Place the saucepan over low heat and stir until the gelatin is dissolved, then gradually whisk in the remaining 1/2 cup cream. Add the gelatin mixture to the cream cheese mixture and beat until fluffy, about 1 minute. Spoon the filling into the cooled crust. Cover with aluminum foil and refrigerate overnight or up to 2 days.

To Serve:
Run a knife around the pan sides to loosen the cake. Release the pan sides and place the cake on a plate. Cut the cake into individual slices and spoon cherries over each slice, if desired.

Makes 12 servings.

Enjoy!

Vote for THE YEARS OF SILENCE as 'Best Book of the Week' at LASR!

2009-08-01T20:24:00.000+01:00

Great news and an awesome review!

My novel is nominated for 'Best Book of the Week' at Long and Short Reviews; please go NOW to http://www.longandshortreviews.com/LASR/recentrev.htm and vote for my novel THE YEARS OF SILENCE as Best Book of the Week (click on the link in the poll)! Please tell your friends to do the same, too. Voting ends tomorrow so hurry up! :)

Long and Short Reviews gave my novel THE YEARS OF SILENCE a five out of five book rating (which according to their rating system means my book is superb!) and an awesome review!

THE YEARS OF SILENCE captivates you from the start with its tragic loss and history of violence.... Author Marwa Ayad’s writing is beautiful and her voice is so stunningly real I was certain I was reading the excerpts of a painfully recorded diary. Those who are not familiar with Middle Eastern women or society will be both fascinated and enlightened. She is a promising new author that writes with humility and honor. One can almost feel her taking her first steps out into the world with her arms wrapped gingerly around her “voice”-- a voice I have fallen for. I highly recommend this novel to readers of all genres, and for any ages. -- Long and Short Reviews

Read the whole review here:
http://longandshortreviews.blogspot.com/2009/07/years-of-silence-by-marwa-ayad.html

Please remember that you can order my book online no matter where you live via this link.

Latest Reviews and Updates

2009-07-23T15:59:00.000+01:00

Coffee Time Romance (known for their honest, unbiased reviews) has recently reviewed my novel; I got a wonderful review and a rating of four cups (out of five) which -- according to their rating system -- means my book is an OUTSTANDING GREAT READ and should be at the top of your reading list (if not already!) *grin*.

You can read the whole review here:
http://www.coffeetimeromance.com/BookReviews/theyearsofsilence.html

***

I also got another amazing review from Amr Shehata (an Egyptian author whose debut novel G.O.D.'s Delusion is scheduled soon for release):

“The Years of Silence was not a novel I read; it was more of an experience I felt. Every last bit of it touched every last bit of me. Marwa Ayad let me live Maya’s life. Bizarre as it might seem, I suffered when Maya did. I was happy when she was. I felt excited when she was. The reason is obvious: Maya is a fictional character but the experience she suffered is a reality thousands of Egyptian females suffer today. In some parts of the book, it felt as if Ayad was writing about a real life experience which she underwent. It is virtually impossible to believe that Ayad could have written a novel, so mighty, so touching, so authentic, and so romantic, unless she had experienced similar events in her life, or unless her writing talent is ‘that’ vast.

Besides the actual storyline, Ayad depicted the strong bond of the Egyptian family, especially during a crisis. She illustrated the bond between the parents and children, and between the grandparents and grandchildren. In many parts of the book, the five senses Maya felt were demonstrated, which conveys the reader’s mind right into Maya’s, and that is one brilliant touch Ayad has shown. In many points of the novel, I had to leave the book and take a break from the intensity of the events. It felt as if every word was talking about me personally, and I would be certain that every person who read the book felt (suffered) the same sentiment. This is writing at its very best.

This is definitely a romance book every male or female should pick up and read. It would be quite reasonable to say that Marwa Ayad is Egypt’s Danielle Steele."

Amr, your review made me speechless and made my day; I can't thank you enough for your words.

I've also just been informed that my novel THE YEARS OF SILENCE is this month's NUMBER 1 BESTSELLER at Art Book Center Bookstore in Alexandria. WHOA!!!

I'm HAPPY!

How to Promote Your Book For Free

2009-06-28T12:46:00.000+01:00

How to Promote Your Book For Free
by Marwa Ayad

Ever since I published my debut novel The Years of Silence which is currently a national bestseller, I’ve been spending more time online doing my homework. I had to learn the many ways and techniques authors use to promote their book(s). Here are the top tips from the trade:

• You should have your own website! After all, when people google your name, and find a website instead of a bunch of links to different websites or blog posts about you that can surely help with the sales of your book. You can tell the world about you (where you grew up, why you write, your favorite movies...). You can also post a sample chapter from your book, reviews, and upcoming events.

• Blogging is also a way of being more recognized, especially if you’re an active blogger and post comments on other popular blogs.

• Websites that allow you to list your books for free.

• Facebook is surprisingly as I’ve recently learned an amazing marketing tool, especially if you create a public page or group for your book. Posting on similar groups lets others know about your book. Also, your profile starts attracting more friend requests (because you’re an author), and you can invite anyone to your group. It’s working for me.

• Book signings and seminars can boost your sales. Just make sure you have enough publicity at least a couple of weeks before your events. Post it on Facebook, other social networking sites, your website, blog, and anything else you can. Also, connections in this area can greatly help.

• Radio talk shows can do wonders. Imagine talking about your book on the radio.

• Getting reviews is also a guaranteed way of marketing your book (given that they’re good, not bad!)

• Well-written press releases

• Writing articles that relate to your book, with unique, high-quality content

• Free copies of your book to media organizations, so they can review or feature it in their publications (newspapers, magazines or newsletters)

• Promotional materials as brochures, flyers and bookmarks which you can give out at your book signings to your audience. You can also give them to bookstores to spread the word about your book.

• Setup Google Alerts for your name, your book title...etc. By following these alerts you can jump into the online conversation in a timely way.

• How about creating a competition on your website with copies of your book as prizes?

• Networking with other writers and people in the publishing business definitely has its many benefits, too.

Got any other tips? :)

My Book Trailer

2009-06-19T15:48:00.000+01:00

Hope you enjoy watching it as much as I enjoyed creating it. :)

If you happen to be outside Egypt and don't wait till my book is available on Amazon, you can order my book here. More info is available on my website.

Character Interview

2009-06-17T13:58:00.000+01:00

**Character Interview with Maya Seif**

That's right, my very favorite (fictional) heroine (of my debut novel THE YEARS OF SILENCE) - Maya Seif - is ready for an interview and I'm going to interview her soon. For those of you who have read my novel, if you have any questions for Maya, please email her at:

maya @ marwaayad.com

She'll pick several interesting questions to answer that don't include any spoilers or aren't similar to questions I'm going to ask her. Questions and answers will be posted soon in the group and on my blog and website. So ask away!

Novel Talk

2009-06-16T11:59:00.000+01:00

So I finished reading Girls of Riyadh by Saudi writer Rajaa Alsanea a while ago and I really liked it. There's been a lot of hype about the novel especially people against the book claiming it gives all the wrong ideas and impressions about Saudi girls. Now I've never lived in Saudi Arabia (I've only been once to it) and it certainly doesn't seem like a fantasy novel so why would the author lie?! And she's very clear that she's talking about the lives of some Saudi upper class girls, no matter how shocking or unbelievable that is to some.

In other news my debut novel The Years of Silence is currently a bestseller at various bookstores in Egypt and it's also been SOLD OUT at several bookstores and for that I'm ecstatic! I'm still waiting for it to be available on Amazon.

As for my current novel-in-progress, I'm aiming for 75,000 words and I'm almost half way through it. I'm having some difficulties with my characters because the whole plot has taken different turns, especially with the heroine's two female friends. Some parts are also hard to write being too emotional and draining, not to mention some research here and there. It's not a romance novel per se, it's women's fiction and it would appeal to many women worldwide.

That's it for now. Take care and be well.

Swine Flu: Don't Panic

2009-06-11T15:19:00.000+01:00

THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION RAISES PANDEMIC ALERT LEVEL TO ITS HIGHEST LEVEL, DECLARES SWINE FLU PANDEMIC.

And yes, there's no need to panic.

Facts:

The WHO reports 141 deaths globally from swine flu, with 106 of those (75%) in Mexico and 27 in the U.S. Seasonal influenza kills 35,000 to 50,000 Americans each year. It is now evident that the current strain of the H1N1 swine-flu virus is a "mild" version rather than a pathogenic killer like the 1918 Spanish flu. In fact, seasonal flu kills 500,000 people annually world-wide, a staggering death toll that occurs with hardly any of the public losing a moment's sleep over it.

The WHO's classification system designates a virus as a pandemic based on geography -- the number of countries in which it has been found, not the fatalities produced. The WHO announcing "pandemic" will be like shouting "fire!" in a crowded theater. "Pandemic!" could be the title of an apocalyptic disaster movie.

Swine Flu: Update and How You Can Protect Yourself

2009-06-10T11:52:00.000+01:00

The World Health Organization is inching closer to raising the infectious disease alert level for the novel H1N1 influenza (swine flu) outbreak to its highest level, indicating that a pandemic has arrived, but has delayed doing so in an effort to prepare national health organizations and populations for the impact of such an announcement, a top agency official said Tuesday in a telephone news conference.

Swine flu is contagious and spreads from human to human.

The symptoms of the new H1N1 flu virus in people are similar to the symptoms of seasonal flu and include fever, cough, sore throat, runny or stuffy nose, body aches, headache, chills and fatigue. A significant number of people who have been infected with this virus also have reported diarrhea and vomiting. Also, like seasonal flu, severe illnesses and death has occurred as a result of illness associated with this virus.

Take these everyday steps to protect your health:

* Cover your nose and mouth with a tissue when you cough or sneeze. Throw the tissue in the trash after you use it.
* Wash your hands often with soap and water, especially after you cough or sneeze. Alcohol-based hand cleaners are also effective.
* Avoid touching your eyes, nose or mouth. Germs spread this way.
* Try to avoid close contact with sick people.
* Stay home if you are sick for 7 days after your symptoms begin or until you have been symptom-free for 24 hours, whichever is longer. This is to keep from infecting others and spreading the virus further.
* Optimize your Vitamin D levels

Vitamin D levels in your blood fall to their lowest point during flu seasons. Unable to be protected by the body’s own antibiotics (antimicrobial peptides) that are released by vitamin D, a person with a low vitamin D blood level is more vulnerable to contracting colds, influenza, and other respiratory infections.

Studies show that children with rickets, a vitamin D-deficient skeletal disorder, suffer from frequent respiratory infections, and children exposed to sunlight are less likely to get a cold. The increased number of deaths that occur in winter, largely from pneumonia and cardiovascular diseases, are most likely due to vitamin D deficiency.

* Eat garlic regularly

Other important actions that you can take are:

* Follow public health advice regarding school closures, avoiding crowds and other social distancing measures.
* Be prepared in case you get sick and need to stay home for a week or so; a supply of over-the-counter medicines, alcohol-based hand rubs, tissues and other related items might could be useful and help avoid the need to make trips out in public while you are sick and contagious.

Washing your hands often will help protect you from germs. Wash with soap and water or clean with alcohol-based hand cleaner. It's recommended that when you wash your hands -- with soap and warm water -- that you wash for 15 to 20 seconds. When soap and water are not available, alcohol-based disposable hand wipes or gel sanitizers may be used. You can find them in most supermarkets and drugstores. If using gel, rub your hands until the gel is dry. The gel doesn't need water to work; the alcohol in it kills the germs on your hands.

In children, emergency warning signs that need urgent medical attention include:

* Fast breathing or trouble breathing
* Bluish or gray skin color
* Not drinking enough fluids
* Severe or persistent vomiting
* Not waking up or not interacting
* Being so irritable that the child does not want to be held
* Flu-like symptoms improve but then return with fever and worse cough

In adults, emergency warning signs that need urgent medical attention include:

* Difficulty breathing or shortness of breath
* Pain or pressure in the chest or abdomen
* Sudden dizziness
* Confusion
* Severe or persistent vomiting
* Flu-like symptoms improve but then return with fever and worse cough

Studies have shown that influenza virus can survive on environmental surfaces and can infect a person for up to 2-8 hours after being deposited on the surface.

Influenza virus is destroyed by heat (167-212°F [75-100°C]). In addition, several chemical germicides, including chlorine, hydrogen peroxide, detergents (soap), iodophors (iodine-based antiseptics), and alcohols are effective against human influenza viruses if used in proper concentration for a sufficient length of time. For example, wipes or gels with alcohol in them can be used to clean hands. The gels should be rubbed into hands until they are dry.

Germs can be spread when a person touches something that is contaminated with germs and then touches his or her eyes, nose, or mouth. Droplets from a cough or sneeze of an infected person move through the air. Germs can be spread when a person touches respiratory droplets from another person on a surface like a desk, for example, and then touches their own eyes, mouth or nose before washing their hands.

To prevent the spread of influenza virus, it is recommended that tissues and other disposable items used by an infected person be thrown in the trash. Additionally, persons should wash their hands with soap and water after touching used tissues and similar waste.

Other facts you should be aware of:

* A "pandemic" does not necessarily mean what you think it does, it is NOT black-plague carts being hauled through the streets piled high with dead bodies. Nor does it mean flesh eating zombies wandering the streets feeding on the living. All a pandemic means is that a new infectious disease is spreading throughout the world.

* This is NOT the first swine flu panic! (The last time was in 1976)

* Swine flu is a weak virus

* Nearly all suspected new cases have been reported as mild. Preliminary scientific evidence is also pointing out that this virus is NOT as potent as initially thought.

Abuse

2009-05-25T14:44:00.000+01:00

It was the same scenario every time: yelling, accusing me of things he didn’t even know and had to invent, grabbing my arm and giving me that I-can't-stand-you-anymore look. It was impossible to believe that was the same man who had begged for my love and affection years ago. He had promised me the world and to never make me cry. I had once been very happy with him. It hadn’t lasted long though.
He didn’t want to go out with me. Not this evening. Not ever. And now he was going to humiliate me. If I fought back, he would storm outside the house and come home really late, or even the next day.
I'll just shut up, I thought. As usual.
I looked at him, calmly, like he had never yelled. I was fed up, disgusted, and dead inside. He no longer intimidated me.
He hurried toward me and grabbed my right arm, squeezing it. I cried out in pain. "Leave me alone!" I shouted, struggling to free my helpless arm from his monstrous grip.
He gave me another threatening look and let me go. Then he slapped me.
The slap slashed my left cheek, and sent me flying across the floor. I screamed in terror, agony, and contempt. How could my husband have turned into a heartless monster who enjoyed nothing more in life than torturing me?
I had allowed him to long ago. I had given him excuses and decided to love him. And that was the bitter price I had to pay.
I looked up at him. I couldn’t see his eyes anymore. They were obscured by rage.
-- The Years of Silence

What are abusive relationships? What are the different types of abuse (many think it's mostly physical)? What defines them? Have you ever been abused? How did you deal with it? And why and how do people get involved with abusive men/women?

My debut novel The Years of Silence deals with an abusive relationship/marriage in the first chapters and through the heroine's flashbacks throughout the novel. That's why I thought we should discuss abuse and abusive relationships (without spoiling the novel for those who haven't read it - any spoilers will be deleted).

First, let me define abuse: Abuse can be physical, emotional or sexual. It involves humiliation, threats, intimidation...etc.

Signs of an abusive relationship include: physical harm (including slapping, grabbing, shaking, pushing, kicking, punching...etc.); aspects of your own life being controlled (examples include what or what not to do, who to stay in touch with...etc.); frequent humiliation; threats to harm you or themselves; twisting the truth so you are to blame for your partner's actions; constant anger and jealousy...

Emotional withholding, control games, lies, broken promises, and infidelity are also forms of abusive relationships.

Emotional abuse is as damaging as physical abuse because it causes long-term self-esteem issues and emotional disturbances.

Abusers are often survivors of abuse themselves. Abusers act out of deep seated shame and feelings of inadequacy. They seek to pull their partner down to make themselves feel better.

Also, abuse can be a family dysfunction that repeats through generations. The abused becomes the abuser and so continues the cycle.

What many don't know is that unwanted sexual advances that make you uncomfortable are a warning that there's little or no respect in this relationship. If someone tells you, "If you loved me, you would do this or that" that's a warning of possible ABUSE. This tells you how controlling that person is and how what matters is for them to get only what they want, not caring about what YOU want.

So, how do you know if you're in an abusive relationship (even though there are many signs like I've explained earlier to tell you)? Ask yourself: Are you afraid most of the time? If you are, then it's an abusive relationship.

Share your stories, comments and feedback!

Swine Flu

2009-05-04T12:15:00.000+01:00

Review: The Years of Silence by Marwa Ayad

2009-05-01T10:03:00.000+01:00

Review: The Years of Silence by Marwa Ayad

The Years of Silence, told in luminous, poetic prose, is the story of how Maya Seif, a young Egyptian woman who has endured hardship and pain in an abusive marriage, finds her way out of that marriage and begins a journey of self-discovery. In the course of her journey, she reconnects with her first true love, Yusuf Omar, the man her heart never forgot.

Maya's divorce from Shereef is instigated by a tragedy. Two years before, Maya had received an email from Yusuf, her first love, but since she had been married at the time, she hadn't felt comfortable with replying. Now, though, she replies and confides in Yusuf. But he's thousands of miles away, in New York, and going through difficult times himself.

As the story develops, they both think, they can marry and be together forever. But a shock lies in store for Yusuf and Maya, one which threatens to tear them apart forever.

The Years of Silence is contemporary romance at its best: compelling, sympathetic characters, a page-turning plot, and a veritable buffet of food for thought about how people can bring each other down or lift each other up, the mysteries of why some relationships work out but others don't. And The Years of Silence offers deep insight into the joys, complexities, and mystery of true love, itself a life-time journey and the most enriching and rewarding of them all.

~reviewed by Thomma Lyn Grindstaff, author of Mirror Blue

*Thanks so much, Thomma Lyn; your review has made me ecstatic especially coming from an amazing author as you! :)

**Read more about The Years of Silence here.
**Join my Facebook group.

The Years of Silence Now Available (Finally!)

2009-04-27T15:24:00.000+01:00

The Years of Silence is now available in these bookstores in Cairo:

Diwan, Virgin Megastore, El-Shorouk, Omar bookstore, Sindbad, El-Balad, Afaaq, Madbouly, Madbouly Al-Sagheir, Rose Al-Yousef, Al-Arabi, Kotob Khan, Sanabel, BookSpot, Master's bookshop and AUC Bookstore.

In Alexandria, you can find my novel at Maarouf bookstore (San Stefano Mall); and soon at Clay Cafe and Al-Ramly bookshop (Green Plaza).

Soon in Mansoura, you can get "The Years of Silence" at Books and Beans.

If you happen to be outside Egypt, my book is going to be available hopefully soon on Amazon. If you don't want to wait, you can order my book by sending an email to: sales@malamih.com (the book will be mailed to you and you pay on delivery); or by ordering it from BookSpotOnline using this link: http://bookspotonline.com/middle.php?file=bookdetails&bookid=43933

I want to thank everyone who attended my first book signing last Friday (24 April, 2009) at Maarouf bookstore (San Stefano Mall - Alexandria); it was a blast! I also want to thank Maarouf bookstore family for their efforts and making that day a very special one. :)

Hopefully I'll be having more signings in Cairo and Alexandria in the near future, so stay tuned!

**Thanks for the great reviews and comments. :) I want to share with you the first review which I was thrilled to get for my novel from Rasha Adel (my friend and a wonderful Egyptian poet/writer):

Your book is so beyond belief ... the characters and the scenes are so beautifully depicted and described ... your care for minute details is awesome...conversations and the brilliant flashbacks .. all so captivating and more ... a native experienced author wouldn't have done it better themselves ...Ii hold not one bit against ur book ... It turned out a happy ending eventually .. yet it was so realistic and optimistic ... this emailing thing was so realistic to me ... U r a Queen when it comes to contemporary fiction ... ur style .. I felt like very close, if not better, to a contemporary fiction author called Charlotte Bingham. WOW!

An Egyptian up-and-coming debut author, Marwa's literary writing has been described as heartwarming, mesmeric and intense. THE YEARS OF SILENCE is believed to be the FIRST English-language ROMANCE novel by an Egyptian author born and raised in Egypt.

THE YEARS OF SILENCE Press Release

Update Nov. 2010:

I've been getting many emails asking me about Malamih Publishing House. My experience with them hasn't really been a positive one. It's really sad because this seemed like a promising publishing house. My novel was released 1.5 year ago and I haven't been paid till now even though I did sign a contract stating otherwise.

But there have always been issues with Malamih, payment or not, and with many other writers, too. The lack or organization, the manager's frequent disappearances so there's really no one to talk to if you need to, messy schedules and deadlines, a million excuses and severe lack of professionalism, not making the novel available on Amazon (except very recently and only a couple of copies), no marketing or promotions of any kind (despite the many promises).

I'm grateful that my debut novel was published by an Egyptian publishing house and the quality of the publishing was good. I had a certain vision of the cover, artwork and all that but I think they did the best they could. And I'm very grateful for the success my novel had with all that I had to face with them.

So please don't email me to ask me about them since I've stated here all that I know.

An Excerpt of THE YEARS OF SILENCE

2009-04-19T12:50:00.000+01:00

A silver frame stood elegantly on a table nearby, and the framed photograph was that of Jannah and Ahmed on their wedding day.

I wondered then if Jannah had ever experienced that special spark of love. Her marriage to Ahmed was traditional, as many marriages here in Egypt. Her family knew his, and they had set them up to meet, and shortly afterwards he proposed. They got married, just like that.
She seemed happy, or rather content. She hardly complained about him, except on rare occasions. They seemed to get along fine. They treated each other with respect and care—an essential ingredient of successful relationships. Yet I often wondered if that was enough, at least for someone like me.

I used to wonder often if there was any single element in a relationship that ensured happiness, and stability. A cousin of mine said it was money; her financial security was the most important thing. One friend said passion, another said respect, and a third said romance. My mother said it had to be appreciation. My father said it was honesty.

Yusuf said that that ingredient had to be love.

“So,” I had asked, “you mean true love?”, and he'd said, “There’s only one kind of love, sweetheart. If it isn’t love, it just isn’t love.”

-- The Years of Silence: A Novel by Marwa Ayad - An excerpt from chapter 11

~ An up-and-coming debut author, Marwa Ayad's literary writing has been described as heartwarming, mesmeric and intense.

I Dreamed A Dream (From Les Miserables)

2009-04-16T00:34:00.000+01:00

There was a time, when men were kind

And their voices were soft

And their words were inviting

There was a time, when love was blind

And the world was a song

And the song was exciting

There was a time it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by

When hope was high and life worth living

I dreamed that love would never die

I dreamed that God would be forgiving

Then I was young and unafraid

And dreams were made and used and wasted

There was no ransom to be paid

No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night

With their voices soft as thunder

As they turn your hope apart

As they turn your dreams to shame

He slept a summer by my side

He filled my dreams with endless wonder

He took my childhood in his stride

But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'd come to me

That we would live the years together

But there are dreams that cannot be

And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be

So different from the hell I'm living

So different now from what it seemed

Now life has killed the dream I dreamed

I just felt the lyrics so much. And of course, you can listen to the latest sensation - Susan Boyle here. Enough proof to not rely on first impressions!

"Metro" (Egypt's First Graphic Novel) on Trial

2009-04-03T12:46:00.000+01:00

Read about it here.

American Idol

2009-04-01T17:04:00.000+01:00

I've never really been a huge American Idol fan or anything, but there's something about this season. I wonder if it has to do with the top competitors on the show being really talented. I think the last two to compete for the title will be Adam Lambert and Danny Gokey. By far, they're the best two.

My favorite is Danny Gokey. I've been a fan of him since the first episode. There's something about this guy. I mean apart from his attractive looks (and the fact that he somehow looks like Robert Downey Jr.), his talent shines through, and you can't help but admire his awesome voice, and how down to earth he is. Go, Danny, go! I can't literally wait till this guy makes it to show biz and I start listening to his songs! :)

Enlightment

2009-03-27T14:01:00.000Z

We - women - grow up to believe we're not good enough. We're never really good enough. A man always says/does/knows it better, whatever that "it" may be. We feel inferior to men in so many ways, and some even take it to the next level and compete with men just to prove women can be/do better than men. So, really, why is that gender discrimination?

I think it starts when we're babies: many parents seem overjoyed when the baby is a boy, not a girl. They say it with such pride, like it's a prize well-earned. In our society, many parents give their male children better education and more money. In our society, males have much more freedom than females in many areas.

As young girls and women, we fantasize about the knight in shining armor who shall save, love, take care of, adore us...our whole world will revolve around him, won't it? The media has done a fantastic job with that, in fact. Most romance movies (or any movies for that matter especially Egyptian ones) are about single women seeking love, consumed by love, struggling with love. Before love, the girl's life is empty, meaningless, and once she finds love and gets married...that's when Happily Ever After begins just as The End (sarcastically enough) fills the screen.

Marriage seems the heroine's mission in life: Single, Armed, Seeking Husband is so often the motto. I'm not saying either such movies depict life after marriage as heaven, no.

Even American movies do that. How many movies have you watched about soul mates and love? I believe in soul mates, but I don't think it's what we see in the movies. I've actually written an article about that. You can read it here.

--To Be Continued

Quote of the Day

2009-03-15T10:48:00.000Z

Quote of the Day:

"Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit."– e. e. cummings

Another Question...

2009-03-13T19:57:00.001Z

Today, I wrote a little. I mainly wrote because my main character was feeling very bitter and negative, and I had to get it out. The girl is mostly funny, and light-hearted, but today she was bitter...she still is.

Apart from that, I just have one question to ask for now: why is almost everyone I know feeling so low nowadays?! Somebody tell me!

A Question

2009-03-11T17:21:00.000Z

I've been thinking about a lot of things lately. I'm also slowly getting back to writing (Damn you, writer's block!). Today while writing, a question popped inside my head and I wanted to ask:

When do you stop caring about someone? When do you have that "I don't care anymore" feeling?

Feedback and answers would be much appreciated.

Note to Self:

2009-03-09T17:03:00.000Z

Spend LESS time on Facebook, and more time writing! :/

Quote

2009-02-28T18:58:00.000Z

Quote of the Day
"Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be."
– Grandma Moses

"The Years of Silence" Available Soon!

2009-02-23T16:24:00.000Z

Marwa Ayad's debut English-language novel The Years of Silence (published by Malamih Publishing House) is going to be available in April 2009 at bookstores in Egypt, and later on Amazon.

Narrated by Maya (the heroine), this is a story of great love lost and found, and the risks two people in love are willing to take to be together when their love is the greatest risk of all.

Join my Facebook group!

Excerpt of "The Years of Silence"

2009-02-21T12:05:00.001Z

Until the novel is released, I'll leave you with the prologue which I hope you enjoy reading. Feel free to give me your feedback if you like. And as usual, spread the word about my debut novel! :)

--Marwa Ayad

The Years of Silence: A Novel by Marwa Ayad

Prologue

In a far corner of my mind, the words echoed more clearly this time.
She’s already lost it!
There's no way this poor fetus would have survived.
Have you seen the husband?
Almost done, Doctor.
Poor thing.
And I thought my husband was bad.
When I opened my eyes, the pain was excruciating, invading every cell of my body. I was numb, unable to move. I heard murmurs, whispers and unfamiliar voices inside my head. I was half-conscious in a strange room that smelled of antiseptic and medicine.
Then I remembered...
Dinner at my grandparents’, the humiliation, the stabbing pain... Darkness had turned to silence, the unmistakable cruelty that would never change.
"We couldn't save it. I'm sorry," I heard someone whisper in my ear.
“What happened?” I asked, a thousand questions racing through my head.
A doctor in a white overall approached and smiled at me. “You’ll feel better soon, Mrs. Maya.”
I heard someone break into tears. It sounded like my mother.
“I’m afraid you’ve had an unfortunate miscarriage, but you’ll be alright.” The doctor’s voice was kind.
For seconds, I lay still, unable to breathe.
I looked at the young doctor’s face, unable to focus. “What baby?”
“You were pregnant, Mrs. Maya. I’m very sorry for your loss,” he said.
Would anyone be sorrier than me?
Oh, you very piece of my heart and mind, that your father could have been that cruel to you. What should I finally say to you when we meet in the next life?
My dearest, I'll never let you go. Will you forgive your own mother who would have rather lost her life, her very soul, but never you?
Or is it my fault that I didn't choose the right father for you? Why, for God’s sake, didn't I marry Yusuf?
He would have made a better husband and father, I heard myself say, agonizing thoughts piercing my consciousness.
Why did I remember Yusuf now? Of all the times I thought of him, why now?
“The worst is over,” the doctor said again.
Oh, was it? It was far from over. Not anywhere near it.

My latest article on Ezine Articles

2009-02-20T13:52:00.000Z

The Greatest Thing You'll Ever Learn
By Marwa Ayad

I wonder how many single people out there are willing to be with their soul mates. Of course, many will argue with me over the idea of the "soul mate concept" itself. Yes, I believe in soul mates, but it's not often like in the movies: Hero lays eyes on heroine, something happens (and sparks fly), and he realizes right there and then they're soul mates, and that they have to be together.

I don't think it works like that. Soul mates are highly compatible, and they bring out the best in each other; and that's why it would take time to recognize a soul mate. Infatuation and love at first sight aren't often strong indications (but no one said anything against being very attracted to your soul mate when you first meet them...it would be amazing, in fact).

And soul mate relationships require work, too. Don't assume once you find your soul mate life will be all peachy. I mean yes, life will be much richer and brighter; but it doesn't mean life will no longer be difficult sometimes. The concept of sharing your life with someone who understands, loves, respects, cares for, and grows with you unconditionally is probably one of the best gifts in life. The opposite of that of course is a relationship that's either abusive/dull/meaningless/miserable...etc. And that can be a lifetime torture for many (even after it ends...the effects of negativity can last for years later with some people).

There are also many signs of a soul mate relationship. The relationship itself seems well-balanced, familiar, supportive, and positive. There's no abuse or fear of any kind. You two have an amazing connection.

Another misconception is that our soul mate is our identical twin (when it comes to thoughts, character, behavior, emotions, goals..etc.) and that's NOT often true. A soul mate is very highly compatible with us, yes, but he doesn't often have to be identical to us; he complements us.

Also, another misconception is the fact that our soul mate is just perfect for us. Again, your soul mate is human, and he has his flaws, and can make mistakes.

What often strikes me is how many people complain about not finding or being with their soul mates, and they ask why. From what I've experienced, read, and learned, there's usually a very good reason (or a few) why you're not together yet. Most of the time no one even wants to find that reason within; let alone declare it. Fear of intimacy or fear of being rejected/hurt would be on top of that list.

With all that said, don't settle for less than your soul mate. Know, and understand yourself; so you can know and understand what YOU want, esp. when it comes to your soul mate. You attract what you want and believe in. Become the person you want to attract; and be happy on your own. Don't believe your soul mate is the one who will make you happy because you're unhappy now. You have to start with yourself, and be happy; your soul mate will share and amplify that feeling of happiness with you.

Relationships are supposed to enrich our lives, not bring us down. Don't sacrifice too much of yourself to make another happy, or to make a relationship work. You'll only have yourself to blame in the end. You have a choice!

There's a sense of destiny about soul mate relationships, and knowing or feeling you're meant to be. This has also been the main theme of my soon-to-be released novel The Years of Silence which takes place in Egypt and New York. Narrated by the heroine, this is a story of great love lost and found; and the risks two people in love are willing to take to be together when their love is the greatest risk of all. The novel also tackles several issues including the thorny issue of divorce in the Egyptian society, first love, soul mates, long-distance relationships, and abusive partners.

###

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Marwa_Ayad

Another Update

2009-02-19T21:40:00.000Z

Quote of the Day
"Don't let other people tell you what you want."
– Pat Riley

Several friends who are close to me know that I've been suffering from writer's block after reaching 18k in my current novel-in-progress. I think I'm familiar with the process because this is not my first manuscript. I usually take a break for a few days, or a week, then I try to write again. If my characters are still silent, or uncooperative (yes, really), I persist and try and have a talk with my main character. If that fails, too, then something immediate needs to be done. Ninety-percent of the time it means there's something you're overlooking, missing, or that your story is going a way it shouldn't.

So yesterday I realized that the heroine's best friend has a lot to say, and I haven't been listening to her. She has a very interesting story which is going to take a big part of the novel.

That means, hopefully, I should be back to writing again soon. I haven't been in the best of moods, and it's been windy and dusty which is such a weird weather in winter! I also have a cold which is hopefully going to leave me alone soon.

No date of release from the publishing house yet which is actually really upsetting because the book was supposed to be released last month after all.

My uncle (on my mother's side) got back from Germany a couple of days ago. He had a very complex surgery there in his arm which had to do with tendons and nerves. And I called him, of course, when he got back and it was one of those calls that I don't think I'd forget for a very long time to come. It's actually important to know how others view you, especially wise, older relations. And it's even more amazing when you realize that you're viewed as a 'hero' for what you've done, and who you are today. I was touched beyond words.

Thank you, Uncle Mohamed, for your words, insight, and encouragement.

Quote of the Day:

2009-02-16T11:54:00.001Z

"When I do things without any explanation, but just with spontaneity…I can be sure that I am right."
– Federico Fellini

Article

2009-02-04T18:12:00.000Z

I'm writing another article which I hope to publish online soon. I've written a few articles before, by the way, and I published them online.

As soon I'm done, I'll post the link.

Quick Update

2009-01-04T13:53:00.000Z

Trying hard to get some writing, and reading done
Feeling bad and helpless because of what's happening to innocent Palestinians in Gaza

Please check out Free Gaza. Urgent donations are needed, so donate if you can via PayPal/check/wire transfer. Every little helps. Not to mention how moral support goes a long way, too. May God Bless and Help them.

Quotes Worth Reading

2009-01-01T16:57:00.000Z

...and believing in:

"A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself -- to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart." Leo F. Buscaglia

"Falling in love with someone isn't always going to be easy... Anger... tears... laughter.. It's when you want to be together despite it all. That's when you truly love another. I'm sure of it." Anonymous

“A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life.” Richard Bach

“I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out.” Roy Croft

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, "That's her..."
-- Author Unknown

I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.
-- Author Unknown

I miss you when something really good happens, because you're the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you're the one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry, because I know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow, and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you the most when I lay awake at night, and think of all the wonderful times that we spent with each other for those were some of the best and most memorable times of my life.
-- Author Unknown

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
-- Author Unknown

Stay tuned!

2008-12-21T22:19:00.000Z

Not sure when yet, but as soon I have a release date, I'm going to post it here.