tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-338441042024-03-14T14:31:28.181+00:00Marwa Ayad - The Official WebsiteUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger52125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33844104.post-14089480402576698262023-12-09T20:49:00.005+00:002023-12-10T03:31:24.890+00:00UpdateI can't believe it's been this long since I last posted here. Life and everything. In the words of Lana Del Rey, 'But if you were curious, I'm very, very happy.'
Stay tuned for some exciting book news! :)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33844104.post-78560261156683767062014-11-12T19:39:00.002+00:002014-11-12T19:39:29.690+00:00Patrick Watson - Lighthouse<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I only listened to this song a few days ago, but it's been re-playing in my head ever since. I don't usually blog about songs and movies, although I should; and I listen to a lot of music anyway.<br /><br />P.S. This song reminds me of <i>you</i> somehow, as odd as it may seem.</div>
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<b>Patrick Watson - Lighthouse Lyrics</b></div>
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Leave a lighthouse in the wild<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Cause I'm coming in<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />A little blind<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Dreamer of a lighthouse in the woods<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Shining a little light to bring us back home<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Or to help us get back into the world</div>
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When to find you in the backyard,<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Hiding on the ceilings of our lives OR Hiding behind all, all busy lives<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Dreaming of a lighthouse in the woods<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />To help us get back into the world</div>
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Cause I know<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I've seen you before<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Won't you shine<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />A little light<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />On us now</div>
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Won't you shine a little light<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />In your own backyard<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Won't you shine a little light<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />In your own backyard</div>
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Dreaming of a lighthouse in the woods<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Dreaming of a lighthouse in the woods</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33844104.post-68907489470478173592013-10-31T14:56:00.001+00:002016-01-03T16:55:00.334+00:00Counting Raindrops<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">You read my words</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Observing</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Silently<br />Wondering</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Transcending</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The story of </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Us</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I dream of</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Still</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Breathlessly</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Achingly<br />After all those<br />Years</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Until the music<br />Stops</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />The</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Longing for<br />You<br />hardly does</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />What if</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Tomorrow is<br />Today</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And all that we are</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We are <i>not</i>?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I've lost faith in</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Many people and things </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Yet I'm certain of this</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I'm yours</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Till the end of time</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And beyond</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Even if you don't<br />Know it</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Yet</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">If I make no sense</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Don't mind me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Even when you're gone</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'll still be here</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Counting</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Raindrops<br />Until<br />You're </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Mine.</span><br />
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<b>© Marwa Ayad</b></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33844104.post-79784388413532814402013-10-24T01:53:00.003+01:002015-04-05T19:20:29.639+01:00On Being an Introvert<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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In a world that is mostly filled with extroverts, introverts stand out and find it often hard to fit in or blend. Statistics say that introverts are about 25-30% of the population; so yes, we are a minority.<br />
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Since I blogged about being an <a href="http://www.marwaayad.com/2012/02/are-you-intuitive-empath.html" target="_blank">empath</a> (by the way, intuitive empathy is quite rare at about 3% of the population and is one type of empathy), the response has been overwhelming. First, this is by far my most popular post, and I do get many hits for it. I've been getting emails from many readers sharing experiences and thoughts. By the way, I do plan on updating that post with more thoughts. <br />
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I've also been asked to share my own thoughts and experience on being an introvert.<br />
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Let me clarify something: You can be an introvert, but <i>not</i> necessarily an empath. An empath is not that common.<br />
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Now, let me explain - from my own experience - what it is like being an introvert:</div>
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<li>Socializing, even being around people, exhausts us; and afterwards we NEED to recharge by being on our own.<i> </i></li>
<li>In fact, sometimes when in a crowd of people, we will get away from the crowd for a while, get out of the room, the house, garden, etc. and re-join them when our mind is calmer and we're feeling less stimulated.</li>
<li>If we socialize and don't recharge afterwards, we are miserable, angry, unable to concentrate and/or depressed. That is because we lose energy from being around people for a long period of time. In contrast, extroverts gain energy from people and social interactions. Extroverts are drained/out of energy if they spend too much time alone. We're completely different.</li>
<li>Recharging is as crucially essential to us as sleep.</li>
<li>That's because our brain works differently; we process far more information... in other words, we're ultra smart, or rather... possibly geniuses.</li>
<li>We LOVE spending time alone, or with a few close friends/family. We need it to recharge our batteries, aka our brain. Extroverts consider this "doing nothing"; but for us, it's awesome and performance-enhancing. It's a necessity, not an option. We can read, daydream, write, watch TV, cook, listen to music, and it will help us relax and recharge. Doing activities by ourselves is fun. </li>
<li>Of course, most people (extroverts who don't acknowledge introverts) will mistranslate that as depression, shyness and being anti-social; they may even ask if we need help.</li>
<li>We often cancel plans with friends and/or relatives... if we don't feel like going out/getting out of the house/more people and guests are being invited/etc. When someone else does it, it makes our day.</li>
<li>Last-minute surprises can upset us. For instance, the idea of someone dropping by unannounced is beyond annoying, since we're not mentally prepared for their arrival/presence. </li>
<li>We don't like small talk; we prefer deep conversations with close friends.</li>
<li>We have a small circle of friends; anyone outside that circle is an acquaintance. We do prioritise our loved ones. If we use our limited socialization energy on everyone, we won't have enough energy for the ones who matter the most to us.</li>
<li>We need silence to concentrate and think. We find it impossible to work, focus or study when there is noise, or loud non-stop chatter around; which is why we'll often be found wearing headphones.</li>
<li>We work best alone, uninterrupted and undisturbed. </li>
<li>Only then we're able to concentrate for a long time.</li>
<li>If we go out with friends or attend a party and cannot for whatever reason leave early, or when we want to, we will become really awkward, fidgety and/or stressed.</li>
<li>Being told often: 'You're just so quiet. Are you okay?'</li>
<li>Being unable to deal with that friend/person who is overly extroverted, who always wants to go out, socialize, make new friends (that it starts to get on your nerves)... and telling them we just want to be on our own for a while.</li>
<li>Having to listen to others tell us: 'You just need to be more social.'</li>
<li>We get irritated if someone interrupts our thoughts.</li>
<li>The idea of working from home, or on our own, THRILLS us.</li>
<li>We feel alone in a group of people or a crowd (unless we're with someone close to us).</li>
<li>We don't like networking all that much; mostly because it has to do with small talk and superficial expressions/topics/connections.</li>
<li>We've been told we're "intense", "philosophical", and/or "an old soul".</li>
<li>We'd choose hanging out with a few close friends over a party where we can meet tons of new people. </li>
<li>Personal space matters A LOT to us.</li>
<li>We prefer expressing our ideas in writing than in speech.</li>
<li>There is an inner monologue inside our head at all times.</li>
<li>We hardly answer our phone unless we're mentally prepared to talk to that person. Most of the time, we actually have our mobile phones switched off, or set to silent.</li>
<li>We're quite happy with who we are; deal with it. If that makes you uncomfortable; it's <i>your</i> problem. </li>
</ul>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: white;">He</span><span style="background-color: white;">re are scientific facts about introverts:</span></div>
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<li><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Introversion is a naturally occurring neurological configuration. </span><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 19.1875px;">Introverts have a naturally high level of activity in the anterior part of the brain; thus, introverts are <b>not</b> in need of significant external stimuli. Or in other words, we are already mentally stimulated. Extroverts, by contrast, live in a form of chronic <i>activity deficit </i>and must therefore seek external stimuli to maintain a certain level of activity in their brains. Extroverts need <i>stronger</i> influences before the brain understands the message. So our brains operate differently.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Introverts' brains have a greater amount of dopamine which is </span><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 20px;">a neurotransmitter, a chemical responsible for transmitting signals in between the nerve cells (neurons) of the brain. One of the things that it does is help release chemicals (endorphins, for instance) that make us feel pleasure. Extroverts have little dopamine in their brains; thus, they need more stimulation to feel pleasure, etc. For introverts, it's the other way round, we are in danger of being over-stimulated, or flooded by dopamine.</span></span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="line-height: 20px;">How to best deal with the introvert(s) in your life:</span><br />
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<li><span style="line-height: 20px;">Respect their need for "alone time", personal space and privacy.</span></li>
<li><span style="line-height: 20px;">Don't embarrass them in public, jokingly or not.</span></li>
<li><span style="line-height: 20px;">Don't demand instant answers from them on the spot. </span></li>
<li><span style="line-height: 20px;">Make them feel welcome in a group.</span></li>
<li><span style="line-height: 20px;">Give them <b>enough</b> time/advance notice of upcoming plans/changes/visits, etc.</span></li>
<li><span style="line-height: 20px;">If you need to reprimand them, do it PRIVATELY.</span></li>
<li><span style="line-height: 20px;">Don't tell them they need to be more social. Don't force them into having more friends. All they need is one (or a few) best friends they share A LOT with.</span></li>
<li><span style="line-height: 20px;">Don't try changing them into extroverts. It doesn't work, and they will stay away from you eventually</span><span style="line-height: 20px;">.</span></li>
</ul>
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Being an introvert is a gift, despite what many may think. Introverts are more likely to maintain life-long relationships and friendships. For us, it's about the quality, not the quantity, and we are great listeners and attentive. Unfortunately, this may attract negative and/or toxic people to us; they crave attention and sincerity. Watch out for those.</div>
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We also choose our words carefully and think before we speak. We don't blurt out nonsense. We're definitely creative, imaginative and often think outside the box. We have excellent analytical skills and pay a lot of attention to detail.<br />
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By the way, introversion doesn't necessarily mean social withdrawal or crappy social skills. Many often assume I'm an extrovert because I do have very good social and communication skills that tend to come out every now and then in the right setting. But I'm still an introvert at heart.<br />
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Did you know that Meryl Streep, JK Rowling, Steven Spielberg, Bill Gates, Gandhi, the lovely Audrey Hepburn, Chopin, Larry Page (Co-Founder of Google), Anthony Hopkins, John Lennon, Yeats, Shakespeare, Orwell, Plato and Einstein are/were introverts?<br />
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Celebrate your introversion!<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33844104.post-65855464519133239732012-11-01T20:12:00.000+00:002013-06-10T19:21:35.821+01:00On Writing, Re-Writing and Starting From (Almost) Scratch Again<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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November is here; so <a href="http://www.nanowrimo.org/">NaNoWriMo</a> is here, too; and this year I'm a participant!<br />
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It's been really windy, and grey (speaking of which, my heart goes out to all who have been affected by Hurricane Sandy). The sun sets at about half past four here, so evenings are dark and slow.<br />
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I decided to write this post for myself, as an inspiration, a reminder of sorts. This is also to those embarking on the amazing journey of writing a book, or are currently working on a book and losing momentum; this post is for you.
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Last year and this year have been crucially important for me as a writer. For two years, it's been nothing for me, but writing, nothing else. I wrote a novel before, and it was published back in 2009. And I wasn't entirely a full-time writer then.
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<br />
Yet, I haven't been able to finish my current novel-in-progress... which I actually began to plot in 2009. It's dramatically changed... from the story of three Egyptian girlfriends and what they are dealing with to what I'm writing now: a complex, multi-layered, psychological/mystery novel focusing on the life of a child, later young woman and her family and all that is life about to throw at her.
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<br />
I suppose I somehow always thought I'd always write romance novels. I'm not sure what happened. Have I changed? Yes, I have. My current novel-in-progress isn't a romance by any means; so if you're expecting something similar to my debut novel <i>The Years of Silence</i>, I hope you will not be disappointed. Because this time, at least for most of the book (or what it is so far), it's an anti-romance, or rather a love story gone sour and terribly wrong. Be warned!
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<br />
Anyway, so for the past two years, I've been working on this novel which has changed so much it's unrecognisable from what I first had in mind.
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By the start of this year, I had almost completed the first draft and all seemed to be going well.
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<br />
But something did not feel right; and I wasn't sure what.
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From 2011 to the start of this year, I had access to writing groups and critique partners. I could (give and) get all the feedback I wanted; I got more than the feedback I wanted... which was great.
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For a while.
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Probably it's because I'm an introvert, I work much better on my own. I don't think any type of critique is recommended while writing the first draft. As a matter of fact, I'd warn against it.
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Up until a couple of years ago, I used to write for myself. I probably shouldn't say this, but there was no editor nagging all the time in my head; I was not a word perfectionist. I was a <b>W.R.I.T.E.R. </b> The Editor-in-me only emerged when I was revising later. But while I was writing, there was so much joy... I never judged my writing; I never lingered on EVERY single word, every single letter, how many words per chapter, the perfect scene - albeit contrived -, the "flawless" (no pun intended) characterization, the uncanny dialogue... The list goes on.<br />
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Because that's not the kind of book I want to read. And if that's the kind of novel you appreciate, then you may not like my book(s); and I'm being very, <i>very</i> honest.<br />
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The thing about getting feedback on the very first draft WHILE you're writing it... well, for me, it's a major distraction. You will unwillingly start to worry about what others want to read or think. A workshop has a group of roughly 8-10 people, and you submit your work bi-weekly... Let's for arguments' sake say you get about ten opinions every two weeks. That's still overwhelming (to me). I'm not saying this includes everyone who has critiqued my work; I must stress <i>there </i>were several people whose honest and constructive feedback I found helpful and whose opinions I still appreciate and value; those were usually writers whose writing I liked as well.<br />
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There were also "defensive" writers/readers who critique on a personal basis (critiquing you rather than your work) and somehow take it very personally if your feedback of their work has the slightest criticism. I found those are best avoided, if possible; you must always remember to keep it professional and non-personal. Otherwise, don't pay much attention to what they say. That's another thing: <b>Only</b> accept the feedback that resonates with <i>you</i> and <i>your </i>vision. But then if you're not going to accept everyone's opinion and/or feedback, then what <i>is</i> the point? And sometimes out of a whole group, only one or two get what you want to say and provide helpful comments (worst case scenario being <i>none</i>).<br />
<br />
One thing that usually left me puzzled was <i>why</i> I, or any other writer, needed validation from others, judging our writing, seemingly to help or even offer support. The need for validation from an outside source is terribly wrong on so many levels, writing-wise, or life-wise. I think if you write for yourself, awaiting no validation, this is much better for you and your book. That is what I firmly believe now. And when you're happy and satisfied with your first/final draft, then you can have a few people you trust and who are familiar with your writing provide comments and feedback. This makes much more sense to me.<br />
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There are even more scenarios in work shops: Some people may attack you or act strangely around you, be tactless, rude or clueless, especially if they're intimidated by your writing or <i>you</i>, or if others - particularly tutors - praise your writing... and may resort to saying stupid or laughable things, to annoy you or make you feel less confident about your writing/work. You'll meet jealousy; people who say one thing and something else behind your back, or pretend to be friends, but don't want you in the spotlight. I didn't even know about that; but when I shared the topic with a writer friend of mine, I realized it could and does happen. Apparently some people act like the more writers they eliminate from the "competition", the more chances they have in getting published. Some people may not even mind losing you... if that means getting published. Sad; but it's a sad, sad world we live in.<br />
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You'll learn to get over it. You'll be told writers need to have thick skin... even when you do. Anyway...
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<br />
Feel free to agree or disagree with me; like I said, this post is meant to inspire me when I read it again later, and hopefully those who agree with me.<br />
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For instance, nowadays there are one or two people I currently reach out to (one of them in the publishing field, like myself). I trust them and know they are honest and want my best; that's crucial. They don't provide much criticism, but rather gentle non-intrusive after-thoughts... gentle ones, and it leaves me inspired. That's what I want for now.<br />
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<br /></div>
A first draft is like a recipe; you're still working on it, adding the right ingredients, substituting mild for hot chilli, and perhaps cumin for curry. You won't definitely know for sure until you put it in the oven, adjust the heat and wait for some time. Let it cool... then taste it. You may add more - or less - ingredients next time. Or you may leave it as it is. It's YOUR recipe. You can't allow others to taste your cooking/baking until it's done AND you're absolutely satisfied with it. And remember, others have different taste buds from <i>yours</i>. BUT if you're happy with it, don't change it for anyone else. Remember that.<br />
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So, back to what I was saying: I wrote and wrote... based on others' feedback, some of them professional writers and got amazing feedback. Several agents I met were very interested.
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<br />
But something did <i>not</i> feel right.
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<br />
I let the novel "simmer"; I decided to leave it alone, untouched... while catching up on my ever-growing to-read list (reading inspires me to write... always) and a few books on writing - which indeed helped.<br />
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I decided to read my novel-in-progress again a couple of months later. Yes, I waited that long.
<br />
<br />
And I knew instantly what was wrong.
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<br />
It was seemingly rich, perfect wording, immaculate scenes... yet <i>a bit</i> bland; above all, it was <b>not</b> me, and that hurt. I know writers shouldn't say this about their "babies" and novels-in-progress... but that's what came to mind. The thing is the novel itself was creating some sort of buzz apparently, and I started hearing from more agents.
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<br />
I still had a problem; the novel was only about 75% finished, and my writer's block was now a permanent ailment. That's another sign. Writer's block is okay, but if it stays too long with you, it's your creative mind telling you something needs to be changed.
<br />
<br />
So, I realized I was "stuck", because that wasn't the way the novel was supposed to go. And I realized later again that a few characters weren't <b>who</b> they were supposed to be. For more than a year I was forcing them to be what <i>others</i> wanted them to be, even if it meant getting more positive feedback... Just like I was told how important it is to plot and draft ALL scenes beforehand. I did that... but it didn't feel right; and I felt bad for my characters and my book. So, I sulked for a while... or quite some time.<br />
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The thing is when you're reading my novel(s), I want you to feel this is actually someone's life. I, thankfully, achieved that with my debut novel. There are still some people who believe the book is somehow based on my life; but it is not. I've never even been to New York. I wanted my novel to feel like you accidentally came upon someone's diary... and all of a sudden, you have an access to someone else's world.
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<br />
When you're in a writing group (or a couple of them), others will often ask you about the plot, rush it. I'm not saying you should keep writing if after completing half your novel you still have no plot. What I'm saying is you don't have to have a definite plot at first; and it's OKAY. Our lives don't have a plot, do they? We can plan all we want... but life happens, some other way.
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<br />
I don't know why, but perfectly plotted novels usually feel contrived to me, and it's a major turn-off. The writer is usually paying too much attention to every word, expression, the perfect pause, the crystalline dialogue... inventing, moulding, but not <i>creating</i>. It's top-notch writing, but it's not for me. It's not my kind of book... or writing.
<br />
<br />
I want writing that jumps with life and spontaneity off the pages. I want to forget it's a book. I want to think it's a real life (I'm referring to fiction).
<br />
<br />
So... I decided to change things around in my current novel-in-progress. Everything I've written has made a difference, research and all that, but it doesn't have to be included in the novel. I know much more about my characters now and their world(s). I know more about my writing, and what I want to write about. Yes, what I <i>want</i> to write <b>about</b>... not what I'm expected and encouraged to write about.
<br />
<br />
I got a sign yesterday - or what I believe is one - a lovely reader gave five stars to my debut novel on GoodReads, and wrote: "It's a page turner; I couldn't put it down till I finished it."<br />
<br />
The novel was published three and half years ago; someone still reading it and commenting on it means a lot to me. I think it all touched me because I realized this is what it's all about: the essence of the writing, whether it's "top-notch"/literary/whatever writing or not. This was my writing, all <i>my </i>writing, <i>my</i> creation.<br />
<br />
So, my advice (to me and others) is: Write for yourself, writing can be a pain... but when you're working on and experimenting with your first draft it should bring some joy. Leave the pain for when you're revising, editing again, getting feedback, doing more editing based on the agent's advice and later editor... Leave it till then.
<br />
<br />
Never forget that it's YOUR book, your essence, your vision. Never let anyone rob you of that. You know more than anyone else; you know your characters much better. Leave the editing for later.
<br />
<br />
This must be one of the longest posts I've ever written; and this is also related to NaNoWriMo. I'm writing again... but rather slowly today.<br />
<br />
Keep writing!<br />
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33844104.post-7198353313949821302012-05-26T18:53:00.004+01:002012-05-27T17:52:51.755+01:00Intimidated... Are You?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I've promised a friend of mine to write about intimidated people and what to do about them, so here goes...<br />
<br />
For several months, I've had to deal with a few intimidated-by-me people. I'm used to that; but the ones I'm referring to have been/are <i>overly</i> intimidated... and it seems by only me, in the group of people we all belonged to. Weird? Not really.<br />
<br />
Long ago Sigmund Freud (and later other psychoanalysts) noted several 'ego defences' we use. When one's ego is conflicted, threatened, overwhelmed, etc., anxiety starts taking hold of it. In this case the ego needs to do something for survival. Such defence mechanisms take place unconsciously, which is why so many people aren't even aware of what is going on beneath the surface.<br />
<br />
Successful, hard-working people intimidate... a lot. I believe many are also intimidated by mystery; the less they know about you and the less you share, the more intimidating you become. Everyone fears the unknown, after all. I'm not referring at all, of course, to abusive intimidating people (that is a topic for later).<br />
<br />
One of these most obvious ego defence mechanisms is <b>projection</b>, which is attributing one's thoughts, feelings and most importantly motives to another person. An example would be someone who is capable of stealing, lying or being dishonest... who ends up accusing you of 'stealing', 'lying', or 'being dishonest'. Without crystal-clear proof/evidence, accusing you of such things says a lot about them, <b>not</b> you. Get my drift?<br />
<br />
Like a person, who after creating a problem out of nowhere, wants to shift the blame on you, someone being mean to you for no reason, or accusing you of something you did not do. Because a friend, a real friend, will <i>not</i> suspect you of something in the first place, without asking first, without making sure, let alone accusing you, and later not apologizing for it.<br />
<br />
What has ever happened to integrity and honesty? Beats me.<br />
<br />
<b>Displacement </b>is very close to projection, but you thrust it on a different person/thing. Let's say X accused a friend of yours of lying. Your friend finds X too threatening, powerful, etc. Unable to direct their wrath towards X, they direct it towards a substitute... you or a thing. Smash a vase perhaps, or accuse you of anything... perhaps even of what X has accused them of.<br />
<br />
This also says a lot about that person. Someone who is easily intimidated lacks confidence and self-esteem. Very often, this person 'needs to be needed' to feel superior. So, unless they are needed, they feel like they're not doing what they're supposed to do, and the lack of confidence kicks in.... big time. I have also found out (the hard way) that such people are highly judgemental and overly analytical/critical, justifying perhaps to themselves their behaviour towards you/others. They are also probably people with<i> low</i> social intelligence. This is different from being social, as they can be social (for them self-esteem also comes from the number of people they socialize with). Social intelligence is defined as: <i>The ability to get along with others.</i> It involves reading situations, confidence, self-respect, self-worth, authenticity, and empathy.<br />
<br />
What to do about intimated-by-you people? Perhaps try and be less mysterious, if this only because of your alluring mystery. I've found that intimidated people (because of their low self-esteem) do better together since their energies and behaviours are similar. Otherwise, I just don't think you can help anyone with major self-esteem issues, <i>unless</i> they're willing to do something about it. Perhaps let them know how you feel... but then again a person lacking self-esteem will not respond well to that no matter how gentle you are (I know from experience). In my case, I've avoided such people completely. Other suggestions are welcome.<br />
<br />
And if you are someone who is intimidated by others, ask yourself, <i>why</i> that is; only you know.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33844104.post-53701397613772802222012-05-21T15:30:00.003+01:002012-05-21T15:44:57.630+01:00Who Says<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I used to have another popular blog several years ago; back then I blogged under an alias. Anyway, I used to blog about my favourite songs, books, films and TV shows. I think I may start doing that again.<br />
<br />
On my playlist now is <i>John Mayer</i>'s Who Says. Wonderful voice.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/akvu1AOnUIw?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33844104.post-57934054242452892792012-04-25T16:56:00.001+01:002012-04-25T18:07:41.778+01:00باستغرب<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">باستغرب...</span><span class="apple-converted-space" style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<span lang="AR-SA" style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
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<span lang="AR-SA" style="font-family: inherit;">على اللي يطول دقنه عشان حرام يحلقها لكن اخلاقه مش مهم تكن مهذبة</span></div>
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<span lang="AR-SA" style="font-family: inherit;">على اللي عامل فيها شيخ يوعظ الناس بالحلال و الحرام لكن لا يستحرم
إنه يشوف مواقع إباحية أو يعاكس بنات على النت و هو متجوز<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="AR-SA">على اللي بيطالب بالحق و العدل و ينصح الناس بالمعاملة الحسنة لكن عادي إنه يظلم </span>مراته و أولاده</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="AR-SA">علي </span>اللي<span lang="AR-SA"> يحلف إنه مبيكدبش و
إنه هو الصدق </span><span style="text-align: right;">ذاته</span><span lang="AR-SA"> لكن مش مشكلة لو بيكدب عشان
ال</span><span dir="LTR">CV</span><span dir="RTL"></span><span dir="RTL"></span><span lang="AR-SA"><span dir="RTL"></span><span dir="RTL"></span> تكن متزوقة أو يكدب في
حاجات تانية</span></span></div>
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<span lang="AR-SA" style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">على اللي يوعد و يقسم بالله وكل وعوده كلام ملوش <span style="text-align: right;">لا</span>زمة يتبخر أول ما <span style="text-align: right;">يقوله</span></span><br />
<span lang="AR-SA" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: -webkit-auto;">على اللي بيكتب و يتكلم على الإسلام و القرآن </span><span style="font-family: inherit; text-align: -webkit-auto;">و </span><span lang="AR-SA" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: -webkit-auto;">هو فيه بيته ملوش علاقة بربه أو
دينه</span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="AR-SA"><span lang="AR-SA"><span style="background-color: #fdfdfd;">على اللي يبعت طلب إضافة صديق على الفيسبوك لبنت و أول سؤال </span></span></span>يسأله ليها <span style="background-color: #fdfdfd;">انتي مرتبطة و لا لأ</span> كأن ده حيحدد نوع الصداقة<span style="background-color: #fdfdfd;"> </span></span></div>
<div dir="RTL" style="direction: rtl; margin-bottom: 2.4pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; text-align: -webkit-auto; unicode-bidi: embed;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span lang="AR-SA" style="font-family: inherit;">على اللي عامل نفسه ناصح و له الحق في محاسبة الناس و الشماتة فيهم كأنه
الوحيد اللي فاهم كل حاجة <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: right;">
<span lang="AR-SA" style="font-family: inherit;">على اللي عايزة تخرب على الناس عشان بنتها إتفسخت خطوبتها أو
بتتطلق فلازم غيرها يبقوا زيها<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="AR-SA" style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="AR-SA">على اللي </span>متجاهل مراته لا هو بيحبها ولا قادر يعاملها بما يرضي الله و لا عايز يسيبها </span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="AR-SA">على اللي غاوي يعكنن على الناس </span><span style="background-color: #fdfdfd;">و حاشر </span>نفسه<span style="background-color: #fdfdfd;"> في اللي ملوش فيه</span> عشان هو متنكد في حياته و دماغه فاضية</span></div>
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</div>
<div dir="RTL" style="direction: rtl; margin-bottom: 2.4pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; unicode-bidi: embed;">
<span lang="AR-SA" style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div>
<div dir="RTL" style="direction: rtl; margin-bottom: 2.4pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit; text-align: -webkit-auto;">على اللي ينقل كلام غلط و يوقع بين اتنين بدل ما يصلح و ربنا يظهر الحق
في الاخر</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">على اللي يخلف لكن عمره ما ربي</span></div>
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<span lang="AR-SA" style="font-family: inherit;">على اللي يشمت في مرض أو مصيبة أو إنفصال بين اتنين و ناسي إن كل
حاجة بأمر الله<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="AR-SA"><span style="background-color: #fdfdfd; text-align: -webkit-auto;">على اللي بيشتمو</span></span><span style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">ا</span><span style="background-color: #fdfdfd; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> </span><span style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">في</span> <span style="background-color: #fdfdfd; text-align: -webkit-auto;">الثورة... مش في عصر فساد و سرقة </span><span style="background-color: #fdfdfd; text-align: -webkit-auto;">و </span><span style="background-color: #fdfdfd; text-align: -webkit-auto;">اللي عذبوا الثوار و قتلوا الشهداء...</span></span></div>
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<div style="text-align: right;">
<span lang="AR-SA"><span style="background-color: #fdfdfd; font-family: inherit; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br /></span></span></div>
</div>
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<span lang="AR-SA" style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fdfdfd; font-family: inherit; text-align: -webkit-auto;">بقولك إيه؟</span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="AR-SA" style="font-family: inherit;">نضف نفسك الأول خالص و إشغل نفسك بحالك... وبعدين إشغل نفسك
بالاخرين.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div style="text-align: right;">
<span lang="AR-SA" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="AR-SA"> </span><span style="text-align: right;">باستغرب اني شفت وعرفت كل دول و لسة عندي أمل و ثقة كبيرة في الخير اللي في الناس.</span></span></div>
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<span lang="AR-SA" style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="AR-SA" style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"> وباستغرب عليك و على كل </span><span style="background-color: #fdfdfd; text-align: -webkit-auto;">النفاق</span><span lang="AR-SA" style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"> و </span><span lang="AR-SA" style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span style="background-color: #fdfdfd;">التناقض </span> اللي فيك... مع إن كلامي
مش ليك</span></span></div>
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<span lang="AR-SA" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
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<span lang="AR-SA" style="font-family: inherit;">يا أخي عيب عليك.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; text-align: right;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><span style="text-align: right;">--</span><span style="background-color: #fdfdfd;">مروة عياد </span></b><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 16px;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 16px;"> <b> Marwa Ayad©</b></span><span style="text-align: right;"><b> </b></span></span></div>
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0Bath, Bath and North East Somerset, UK51.375801 -2.359903951.3361545 -2.4388679 51.415447500000006 -2.2809399tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33844104.post-31991345425186576242012-02-21T23:20:00.010+00:002016-01-03T16:58:20.267+00:00يا باغي الظلم<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-size: 100%;">ما لا يعرفه الكثير أني أكتب باللغة العربية أحيانا... غالبا خواطر أو أشعار. ربما تجعلك الغربة تشتاق أكثر للغتك الأصلية... كتبت هذه القصيدة (لو اعتبرتوها كذلك) منذ فترة طويلة و تذكرتها... لمن ظلم و افتري في</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 100%;">...يوم من الأيام</span><br />
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<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-size: 100%;">يا باغي الظلم ألا تعرف الله؟</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 100%;">ألا يعرف صدرك خشية الله؟</span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-size: 100%;">!أتبكي الرحيل و تنوّح كالنساء</span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-size: 100%;">ألم تفكر يوما في عقاب الله؟</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-size: 100%;">ألا تعرف عقاب الظالم و السارق</span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-size: 100%;">يا من سرقت النور من الفلاة</span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-size: 100%;">و النوم من عين البرئ في صباه</span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-size: 100%;">حتي القلب النابض في سماه؟</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-size: 100%;">يا أعمي القلب و الإيمان</span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-size: 100%;">يا من دنست الذكرى و ما حلله الله</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 100%;">بغبائك و جهلك و كذبك و ما تراه</span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-size: 100%;">!و تدعي النبوة يا أحط شأنا من البغاة</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 100%;">يا من تريد الحياة و تميت غيرك</span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-size: 100%;">تدعي الحكمة و مفقود هو عقلك</span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-size: 100%;">...ألا تندم أو تخشع؟ ألا ترجو الله</span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-size: 100%;">و تسأله مغفرته قدر ظلمك؟</span></div>
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<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-size: 100%;">يا من طلبت الحب و أنت لا تعترف بالجميل</span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-size: 100%;">الرحمة و أنت أكثر الظالمين</span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-size: 100%;">الأمانة و ما أنت بأمين</span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-size: 100%;">أتريد الآن السعادة... وما أنت إلا لئيم؟</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-size: 100%;">كم من مرة كذبت... افتريت</span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-size: 100%;">ادعيت فأخذت... و تمسكنت</span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-size: 100%;">ابعد يا من قصرت و أذنبت الكثير</span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-size: 100%;">.و حسبي الله و نعم الوكيل</span></div>
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<br />
<span style="font-size: 100%;">© Marwa Ayad</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33844104.post-37557720209695080402012-02-16T19:12:00.014+00:002012-02-18T19:16:11.253+00:00Are You an Intuitive Empath?<div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; ">Confession: I'm an intuitive empath.</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><ul><li>Have you been told you're overly sensitive?</li><li>Do you feel overwhelmed in crowds?</li><li>Do you prefer solitude over social gatherings (4+ people)?</li><li>Do you need a lot of time on your own to recharge?</li><li>Feel compelled to help others in pain no matter what?</li><li>Known as a peacemaker (hate conflicts)?</li><li><i>Always</i> know others' motives and intentions as you can see right through them (so it's almost impossible being lied to or deceived)?</li><li>Hypersensitivity to noise, scents and people talking?</li><li>Random mood swings that have nothing to do with your life?</li><li>Do you have a creative or an artistic nature?</li><li>Furthermore, if you've taken the Myers-Briggs test, are you an INFP or INFJ?</li></ul></div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; ">If all of these apply to you, then you're an intuitive empath.</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; line-height: normal; "><span style="font-weight: normal; ">Bear in mind, this is </span><b>not</b> depression or anti-social behaviour (since actually being on your own doesn't depress you, but helps you unwind); but people like to label what they think they know, especially as not many know about being an empath. </div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; ">An Empath absorbs energies and emotions around them like a sponge which can be very exhausting. They can't stand negative energy or energy vampires; it drains them more than anything you can ever imagine (I know from experience). We're only comfortable around those with positive energy, or those who don't criticize/judge/assume, etc. (even if you act otherwise, we know your intentions, remember, so unless you mean well, an empath will avoid you). </div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-weight: normal; "><div><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif; ">I met some of the most negative people you could imagine last year. As an empath, I would feel sick around them, even without them talking. And when you're the only empath you know in that place or a professional environment and there is no way of minimizing contact, there's nothing to say, so you keep it to yourself. Just a horrible feeling in your stomach that these few people don't mean well; they carry resentment/jealousy/hatred/doubt, etc. towards themselves, you or others. Being in a room with a few negative people can make an empath ill and struggle with their daily routines even after leaving such people because you carry their energies and vibes, and it used to take me days to start feeling better afterwards. It was pure torture. Try explaining that. Thankfully I no longer have to see them.</span></div></div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; ">If someone has made an empath feel uncomfortable before, depressed or negative, it's almost impossible wanting to be around that person again and they will keep their distance. An empath likes the company of those who do not exhaust them. Simple as that.</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; ">If you have a friend or family member who is an intuitive empath, here is what you need to know:</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><ul><li>Always be honest with them; don't pretend or hide anything since they can always tell.</li><li>Never be judgemental; accept them for who they are.</li><li>Accept their advice and support, even if unasked for, since it's in their nature to want to help. Offering help is their way of showing love and support to those they care about.</li><li>Be very considerate of the fact that they're overly sensitive (in ways you may not even comprehend), tend to avoid aggression, negative people/situations/crowds at any cost, and even violent media. Be understanding.</li><li>Understand that an empath needs more time alone from the world. Don't force them to go out/be more social; they can only do it if they feel like it/are comfortable with the company/place, etc. However, from personal experience, an empath doesn't shy away from understanding, positive friends. In fact, it is advisable that they schedule meeting positive friends once a week or so as it helps an empath feel better afterwards. I've learned that an empath does, however, stay away from people who drain them at any cost, friends or not.</li><li>If you break their trust or let them down once, it's almost impossible being their friend again; since trust is crucial to them.</li></ul><br /></div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; ">If you're an empath, here are a few tips:</div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><br /></div><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><ul><li>Limit or avoid altogether negative people, energy vampires, crowds, etc.</li><li>Meditate.</li><li>Take a daily shower or bath; it can do wonders since water washes off any unwanted vibes.</li></ul><br />And remember, always be yourself! </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33844104.post-78836334652320982152012-02-07T18:40:00.008+00:002012-02-08T16:48:19.977+00:00173Your mother is still<br />Weeping<br />Disbelieving<br />That you are gone<br />Killed by thugs<br />in a football match<br />in Port Said<br /><br />Were you 15 or 17?<br />What was your crime?<br />Your blood was still<br />Warm<br />When the SCAF said it was a<br />MASSACRE<br />That could happen anywhere in the world!<br /><br />173<br />In the morgue, you were given<br />A number<br />Your life, your death<br />Condensed<br />in a freaking, lifeless number<br />Your innocent body<br />Wrapped in a black, rubbish bag<br />Oh, wait...<br />It could happen anywhere in the world!<br /><br />Mother of the martyrs,<br />We shall not forget...<br />Their holy blood isn't sacrificed in vain<br />Your child now rests in heaven<br />And we're here in a hell<br />That has no name.<br /><br /><b><i>--Marwa Ayad</i></b><div><b><i><br /></i></b></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33844104.post-52075329127047892242011-12-31T01:54:00.022+00:002011-12-31T21:47:03.802+00:00Happy New Year!<p><br /></p><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSlIJ4Ge77sv_3GSvKzPmVFWmotQqkw043cLh2X00h4EXZkRhPb1KlJXYm2mar9UHhsosHEdMiVKp2GX1-O4E31viKwaNkO7qQb25UBYOwN9e3JxJaAwkzLVCP38j0RmH9IfHmxA/s1600/ss-110211-ff-update-06.grid-9x2.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 198px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSlIJ4Ge77sv_3GSvKzPmVFWmotQqkw043cLh2X00h4EXZkRhPb1KlJXYm2mar9UHhsosHEdMiVKp2GX1-O4E31viKwaNkO7qQb25UBYOwN9e3JxJaAwkzLVCP38j0RmH9IfHmxA/s320/ss-110211-ff-update-06.grid-9x2.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5692354259556119282" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span> Tahrir Square, Egypt</span></i></div><div><br /></div>Dear 2011:<div><br /></div><div>You've baffled me; you've impressed me; you've given me hope, and sometimes utter despair and hopelessness. You were certainly different, unexpected in many ways; and for that, you will be remembered for a very long time.<br /><br />Globally speaking, there were many natural disasters. I remind you again of the earthquakes in New Zealand, Turkey and Japan; the earthquake in Japan was one of the strongest ever recorded at 8.9 magnitude, triggered by Tsunami (think <i>The Butterfly Effect</i>) and lead to the Fukushima nuclear meltdown. And then the droughts in East Africa and the worst famine in decades. Then there were the floods in Thailand which affected more than 12 million people and killed over 800; and the typhoon in Philippines, more than a half million people lost their homes. Then there were also more than 300 tornadoes and blizzards in the United States ripping through the South East. 2011, you've outdone yourself, so don't pretend you have forgotten; the world certainly hasn't.</div><div><br /><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">Politically speaking, it was the year of awakening for several Arab nations. On 14 Januray, 2011 the Tunisian government fell and then-President Ben-Ali escaped Tunisia after his infamous, or rather famous speech, often referred to as أنا فهمتكم ,or 'I've understood you' (addressing his people). My beloved Egypt and the Egyptian revolution which started on 25 January, 2011, almost a year ago, yet it hasn't been freed from military ruling, despite toppling Mubarak's regime on 11 February, 2011; and still protesters are getting injured or killed. </div><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">I owe so much to the Egyptian revolution (which I witnessed before travelling) and the most honourable revolutionaries and martyrs who have chosen to stand in Tahrir Square and other parts of Egypt, seeking freedom and equality, who defied death and injustice in its worst, most horrible forms. May our martyrs rest in peace and may they always be remembered and honoured. Those who have lost their eyes, have been wounded or crippled by security forces that should be protecting its people, not attacking them, throwing tear gas bombs and using internationally banned gas to disperse peaceful protesters, and shooting them with live ammunition, not rubber bullets, subjecting girls to humiliating virginity tests (what does this have to do with the revolution?!!). My generation, my amazing generation that I'm beyond proud to belong to. The world has been watching in awe, and still watching, while some Egyptians still doubt the revolution, all due to pathetic thoughts spoon-fed to many by some Egyptian media that still belongs to the old regime. The revolution continues... because this is <i>one</i> of the pictures (which I'm sure you've already seen) that says why it should:</div><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPq0HTYOwOjxiabqmll-2eTHgLkayyZvPL0-AMCso0g0-AITzAmq_cyHVgukoJ35qXwdX0d5NysUl7rAgWNQ-QLCpttAkmsIvn_RxmnFhJYRO_GUpvquYa57ERlMpko4Vt74wYDA/s200/blue-bra-egyptian-woman-protester-beaten.jpg" /> </div><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">The year Gaddafi was killed and Bin Laden was claimed killed/dead (I still doubt the death of the latter, let alone if he ever existed, but that's another matter), and Kim Jong-il (the North Korean supreme leader), Saudi Prince Sultan ibn-Abdelaziz, Egyptian writers Anis Mansour and Ahmed Bahgat, Egyptian singers Hassan Al-Asmar, Talaat Zein and Amer Mouneeb, Actress Hind Rostom, Actors Kamal El-Shenawy and Omar Al-Hareery died. The year Apple's Steve Jobs, Elizabeth Taylor and Amy Winehouse (the English singer) also died. The year of the English royal wedding. The year riots in England lasted for days and London was on fire. 2011, you were uncanny!</div></div><div><br /></div><div>On the personal level, it's the year I ventured away from home, seeking a new path, a new chapter in life. For me, things were rather quiet and I must say my times of solitude were very appreciated and needed. It was the year I made several amazing new friends and met lovely people. The year I discovered yet how fake some people can be, how intimidated some are by a feminine independence, difference and success. The year I realized it didn't matter how old someone can be, they can still be mean, and usually it turns back on them. Justice prevails, even after long years,<i> Subhan Allah</i>. The year I amazed myself at how I let go of many things that no longer belonged to me, and how I no longer needed to hold on to beliefs that hurt me and brought me down. The year I broke free. </div><div><br /></div><div>I used to joke that 2011 has hogged all the news, nothing will be left for any following years. I still think of you as the year of the Egyptian revolution; 2011, I still salute you.</div><div><br />2012, I have a lot of faith in you; please live up to it. I hope it will be a year of peace, and love, lots and lots of love, a year of justice, of seeking the truth, seeing the truth. A year of good change. I hope it will be the year my second novel is published (it's taking a lot of time to write, but it's a lot different than my debut novel and much longer).</div><div><br /></div><div>Happy New Year! And most importantly, happy new year, my Egypt!</div><div><br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33844104.post-68009849771394905632011-10-09T13:05:00.002+01:002011-10-09T13:09:06.311+01:00A Different Lullaby<div>I sat before you humble in tears</div>I begged you to release my fears<br />But you stood as stiff as a cast<br />Now you've withered, collapsed<br />On the steps of your elusiveness<br /><br />Come, come, my time is near,<br />I hear you say<br />But your eyes don't see me<br />And your heart has gone astray<br />That's what you get for my lost years!<br /><br />Hear me, hear me, I watch you say,<br />I hereby announce my love is for sale,<br />To the highest bidder, the winner<br />Look around you, I say, look and see<br />Only flies and roaches can hear!<br /><br />They say your tears were mixed with rain<br />Circling the streets, going everywhere<br />Instead of you, I see the ghost of a man<br />Who wasn't true to himself, or his word<br />That's what you get for cowardice, I hear!<div><br />When you came back, I wasn't here<br />Even when you were gone, I was sincere<div>The tale ends with you and I<br />Together singing a lullaby<br />The story of you and me...<br /><br />We were never meant to be.<div><br /></div><div><b><i>-Marwa Ayad<br /></i></b></div><div><b><br /></b></div></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33844104.post-6450885736704558202011-10-02T20:25:00.004+01:002011-10-02T20:37:57.843+01:00المرأة الوحيدة التى أدمنتني<div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" > ...سترحل يوما عنى...اعلم</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >و ان سالوك عنى... وسيفعلون... فقل لهم</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >غادرتنى</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >فقد كنت ضعيفا</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >اضعف من الاحتفاظ (بامرأة) احبتنى بجنون</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >واحتملت بجنون...وسامحت بجنون</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >قل لهم غادرتني</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >تلك التى حين اكون مع سواها تموت الف مرة ومرة</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >ولايعلم بأمر موتها سواها</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >قل لهم غادرتني</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >تلك التى ان نام الكون ...استيقظت</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >فصلت...فسجدت...فرددت ...اللهم احفظه لى</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >قل لهم غادرتني</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >تلك التى صلت صلاة الحاجة ألف مرة</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >وفى كل مرة ...اكون انا الحاجه</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >قل لهم غادرتني</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >تلك التى ان بكت السماء</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >رفعت يديها الى السماء وذكرت اسمى بدعاء لااعرفه</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >وان سألتها قالت الدعاء فى المطر مجاب</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >قل لهم غادرتني</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >تلك التى ان فرح الصائمون بافطارهم</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >رفعت يديها الى السماء</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >وذكرت اسمى بدعاء لااعرفه</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >وان سألتها قالت..للصائم عند افطاره دعوه لاترد</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >لقد غادرتنى...</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >الجسد الذى كنت روحا لها فاصبحت جسد بلا روح</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >قل لهم غادرتنى ..</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >المرأة الوحيدة التى أدمنتني</span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><b>نزار قباني --</b></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33844104.post-2437564128421537592010-12-26T12:22:00.002+00:002010-12-26T12:30:48.611+00:002010 in ReverseBy the end of every year, I like writing a note to reflect on a year coming to an end and the birth of a new, hopefully better one. This year was just weird... very weird on several levels. I said that about 2009, but 2010 has done much better in that field.<br /><br />Here are 40 things I've learned from <span style="font-style: italic;">2010</span>:<br /><ol><li>Waiting can be either futile or very rewarding; it depends on what you're doing exactly while you're waiting. </li><li>It's through the hard times that the true colors of people show.</li><li>Some people are very messed-up within... no matter how they pretend otherwise.</li><li>Don't expect much from others; only expect from God and then yourself.</li><li>If you don't want something or someone with all your heart, then don't bother.</li><li>If you need to get away from people, travel... and if there's no one to go with you, travel alone and have fun!</li><li>When you're up, your friends get to know who you are; when you're down, you get to know who your friends are.</li><li>People don't really change; unless they very much want to and do it themselves, but you can't change anyone.</li><li>Some things are just not meant to happen no matter how hard you try or how badly you want them. </li><li>And sometimes there are no explanations for that.</li><li>Listen to your intuition and trust your instincts more often.</li><li>Don't settle for less; the moment you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.</li><li>Contentment or gratitude is one of the best gifts in life.</li><li><span style="font-style: italic;">Soulmate</span>s and true love do exist whether you believe they do or not.</li><li>Stay away from people who drain your energy and time in vain.</li><li>You're and always have been good enough; don't make anyone tell you otherwise. </li><li>If they do, see #15.</li><li>You can choose to be either average or exceptional; it's your choice, really.</li><li>Don't make the same mistake twice. If you do, then don't make it three times.</li><li>Smile. A lot.</li><li>Don't believe everything you're told.</li><li>Actions speak much louder than words.</li><li>When somebody tells you they know and want what's best for you, this usually means they want you to do what they say without arguments.</li><li>Blaming others for your problems will never solve anything; take responsibility and act accordingly.</li><li>Read; dance; and sing a lot. </li><li>Depend more on yourself and less on other people.</li><li>Learn to enjoy activities by yourself.</li><li>Don't use mobile phones often.</li><li>Forgiveness does you more well than the person you're forgiving.</li><li>Learn to let go of people/possessions/circumstances that are causing you harm.</li><li>Show more appreciation and love to those you love and care about.</li><li>If you're married or in a relationship, be more romantic and attentive to your husband/partner.</li><li>If you're single, be more attentive and loving to yourself.</li><li>Write a love letter to your husband every now and then.</li><li>If you're single, pretend you're with the love of your life and write a letter from him/her to you.</li><li>You can be your own hero or heroine.</li><li>Don't regret making mistakes; mistakes come from more experiences and those make us more mature.</li><li>Count your blessings; and be grateful for them.</li><li>Solitude is your own retreat from a hectic world.</li><li>Keep smiling. =)</li></ol><br />If I could sum up 2010 in one word, I'd say <span style="font-style: italic;">creepy</span>... or <span style="font-style: italic;">freaky</span>.<br /><br />Please feel free to comment and share your own experiences and memories of 2010.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">Happy life-changing, amazing 2011! </span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">© Marwa Ayad</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Please remember to share! </span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.marwaayad.com/">Marwa Ayad's Website</a><br /><a href="http://www.facebook.com/pages/Marwa-Ayad/118913024634">Marwa Ayad's Facebook Page </a><br /><a href="http://marwa-ayad.blogspot.com/">Marwa Ayad's Blog</a><br /><a href="http://www.twitter.com/marwaayad">Follow Marwa on Twitter</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33844104.post-83404386074994559412010-12-19T14:11:00.000+00:002013-10-25T05:12:57.318+01:00Are You a Love Addict?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigoI8Rfhyb1iM8ODzCq0bJzb1UxoaxxD8P2vvbfMz4W00PgG152Oqrf_ijHXwcKWDwTZvBKRLQPcVQ-KnR6W8bNcxgCL_B_Wka4W9u8qK5ZO1nA39kwL6wumjL6uwIjZEXe1nW9Q/s1600/photo_24678_20101219.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5552396739695855794" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigoI8Rfhyb1iM8ODzCq0bJzb1UxoaxxD8P2vvbfMz4W00PgG152Oqrf_ijHXwcKWDwTZvBKRLQPcVQ-KnR6W8bNcxgCL_B_Wka4W9u8qK5ZO1nA39kwL6wumjL6uwIjZEXe1nW9Q/s200/photo_24678_20101219.jpg" style="cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 200px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 154px;" /></a><br />
I recommend you read my other post <a href="http://marwa-ayad.blogspot.com/2010/10/chemistry-of-love-how-relationships-and.html">The Chemistry of Love</a> first if you haven't already done so to learn more about the psychology of falling in and out of love.<br />
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Let's start with some questions; and please be honest:<br />
<ul>
<li>Are you <b>too</b> needy when it comes to relationships?</li>
<li>Do you fall in love too easily or too quickly?</li>
<li>Do you lower your standards or settle for less than you deserve/want for the sake of "companionship"?</li>
<li>Have you been involved with people who could <b>not </b>commit and you were convinced you would make them change?</li>
<li>When you're attracted to someone, do you<b> ignore</b> all the warning signs that he/she isn't good for you?</li>
<li>Initial attraction is <b>more </b>important to you than anything else when it comes to falling in love and choosing a partner?</li>
<li>You thought/think if someone loved you that "special way" you would be eternally happy?</li>
<li>Romantic movies and songs <b>solely</b> define love for you?</li>
<li>You take more than your share of responsibility for the survival of a relationship?</li>
<li>In some of your relationships, you were the only one in love?</li>
<li>You feel terribly lonely and depressed if you're <b>not</b> in love or a relationship?</li>
<li>You can't stand being alone and don't enjoy your own company?</li>
<li>You're scared of <b>not</b> finding someone to love or marry?</li>
<li>Your mind has almost always been occupied with romantic fantasies?</li>
<li>You fantasize about love or marriage almost the entire time, thinking of someone you used to love or the "perfect partner" who is going to walk into your life one day and make it amazing?</li>
<li>You were part of a love triangle before... and you didn't walk away?</li>
<li>You could pursue someone you're in love with even if he/she is with someone else?</li>
<li>You have no control over yourself when you're in love?</li>
<li>When you're in love, you're too jealous and/or possessive?</li>
<li>You don't mind chasing after someone who has clearly rejected you and desperately try to change their minds?</li>
<li>You have stayed with an abusive person or in an abusive relationship longer than you should?</li>
<li>You have a very high tolerance for suffering in relationships; you are willing to suffer neglect, depression, loneliness, dishonesty—even abuse—to avoid the pain of separation?</li>
<li>You try very hard to be WHO your partner wants you to be, doing anything to please him/her (even sacrifice your own needs or values)?</li>
<li>You can't say "no" to your partner if he/she threatens to leave you?</li>
<li>You feel "incomplete" if you're <b>not</b> in a relationship?</li>
<li>You have been with the "wrong person" before to avoid being lonely?</li>
<li>You have idolized a love interest and then blamed that person for not living up to your expectations?</li>
</ul>
<br />
If you have answered "yes" to several questions, then you're possibly a Love Addict. And if you can recognize several of these things in your partner or someone you know, then he/she is a love addict.<br />
<br />
A Love Addict is addicted to the "high" of being in love. Love addiction is much like any other addiction; it is focused on love as the solution to inner pain, loneliness and emptiness; and the relationship or the need for love/romance is all consuming. You may think it's a better type of addiction; but it's very dangerous and painful to both the person and their partner(s). The dire consequences of love addiction include: job loss, depression and self-destructive behaviours.<br />
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What has made matters worse is the fact that the media has glorified love-addicted relationships as great love stories and love addicts as the greatest lovers. And sadly many societies are love and relationship addicted. Pressure to be in a relationship or get married; isn't that love addiction by definition? Since a very young age, how many of us (women) have been told that marriage is the ultimate award or "destination"? How many single women are looked down upon (no matter what their personal and academic achievements or personalities are) because they're <b>not </b>married yet? How many women are blamed on a daily basis for the breakdown of a marriage or relationship because she could <b>not </b>keep her husband/partner... and if only she had been more patient/loving/caring/whatever? How many are blamed for being single and that they should "lower" their standards to be in relationships or get married?<br />
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There are many examples. We need to become aware of our own cultural patterns of thinking, feeling and behaviour that keep us addicted to love and/or relationships.<br />
<br />
The are several types of Love Addicts; the two more common types are:<br />
<ul style="font-weight: bold;">
<li>Narcissistic Love Addicts </li>
</ul>
They had a tough childhood where there was no or little attention/love given to them (causing inner rage and pain that often surface). They are rather detached from parents and family. Thus later in life they seek acceptance and safety which they did not get as children. The strange thing is narcissistic love addicts are charmers most of the time even though they usually suffer from depression and feel worthless without a partner or relationship. They need love or sex to relieve their hidden pain. They line up the next relationship <b>before</b> leaving their current one. This is also one of the reasons they're usually part of love triangles (they subconsciously seek drama). They keep looking for that "magical" feeling... that "magical" someone who will heal all their wounds and take care of them. Most of the time they're attracted to "very hot" people as they seek partners for validation. Fantasy is triggered and the he/she feels high. "It's karma, destiny, fate... we're soul mates" before they even get to know their (future) partner well.<br />
<br />
Their greatest fear is abandonment or rejection; they can't trust their partners and are emotionally and/or sexually unavailable sooner or later in the relationship. They can't commit or communicate. They're also very manipulative. They become cold, unloving, distant, selfish. They are easily excessively addicted to anything else outside the relationship (drugs, games, sex, alcohol, hobbies, someone else, shopping, etc.). They believe intense attraction and sex are basic human needs. They also confuse sexual attraction or lust with love. Almost always they get attached to people they hardly know. They tend to idealize and obsess about their partner at first. When they enter a relationship it's like being in a fantasy and they get high. Later they blame their partner for not living up to their unrealistic expectations. They want to be cared for and treasured by another and are always disappointed, because no one can satisfy their insatiable desires. They will go to great lengths to get partners to fulfil the big fantasy they have been holding in their minds for so long.<br />
<br />
They are very angry and frustrated when their fantasy isn't matched. They are driven to find someone to tell them they are lovable and loved, to find someone who will rescue them from their own inability to care for themselves; rescue them from their loneliness, emptiness, lack of self-love, inability to feel safe in the world without someone to protect them. They look for a relationship to make them feel whole. It's a never-ending cycle.<br />
<ul style="font-weight: bold;">
<li>Codependent Love Addicts </li>
</ul>
They suffer from self-esteem issues and insecurities. They willingly stay in a relationship long after its "expiration date" as I call it. It's very hard for them to let go. Their role in the relationship is that of the rescuer, saver, caregiver, etc. They very gladly accept/put up with emotional/physical abuse and neglect no matter how unbearable it is, all in the hope of their partner not leaving or loving them back one day. They love, protect and are generous to their partners excessively and unreasonably... which is considered by many - if not most of us - the most wonderful type of lover. They're rather silent martyrs and may seek sympathy from others... or encouragement. But the relationship only gets more toxic. And they're often defensive of themselves and/or their partner's behaviours. "Well, he only yelled and slammed the door but didn't hit me"; or, "he/She only slapped me. I don't have any bruises"; or "well, I really made him/her angry. I'm stupid and this is why he/she reacts like that." Remember, if it doesn't feel right, it's wrong.<br />
<br />
They can become very unhappy within a relationship and it can affect them mentally, emotionally and psychologically. But they still <b>cannot</b> let go. Their problem is they find it difficult to love or take care of themselves (low self-esteem). They are unable to protect themselves with healthy boundaries. Again Codependent Love Addicts probably faced some sort of abandonment or loss as children which resulted in them feeling worthless and created that sense of exaggerated longing. Their lack of nurturing was/is fuelled by fantasies of being rescued or being the rescuer themselves.<br />
<br />
*<br />
<br />
Sadly, most love addicts refuse to acknowledge there's a problem at all with them. My advice to you is to not get involved with a love addict because it may devastate you in the end. Seek healthy relationships and people.<br />
<br />
If you suspect you're a love addict yourself, then you need to address those serious issues from your childhood and past. STOP being obsessed with finding your prince or princess who will be the one to solve <b>all </b>your problems and give your life meaning. This desperate need of trying to find that person or regain a lost love can create much chaos and threaten life itself when chronic grief turns into suicidal thoughts. Be aware of love addiction support through the ideal of love in movies and songs. Love addicts are very self-delusional; all addictions have an element of denial but in case of love addiction it is more severe. Love addicts often don't see the connection between their pain and suffering and the illusionary love they seek.<br />
<br />
The first step would be to recognize love addiction as such and then take the necessary steps to fulfill all those needs that have been delegated to The One. Find out what you can do to be good to yourself; <b>learn to love yourself </b>and to appreciate the good things in your life. Another important step is to accept that you may be single for a long time... and that's okay.<br />
<br />
Develop a wide variety of interests and activities and make new friends. With all this, the emptiness and longing will go away. This will also increase your chances of finding a compatible partner. There's always hope if you really want to change and lead a happy, drama-free life. If you need more help, then seek that of a psychiatrist and try to read more about recovering from such an addiction.<br />
<br />
With that said, deep down we all seek love. There's nothing wrong with wanting love or being romantic at heart. Being in love with the right person is a wonderful feeling and experience. There's also nothing wrong with grieving or mourning the breakdown of a relationship (but not becoming severely obsessed with the other person, too desperate to get them back no matter what and/or having suicidal thoughts). Letting go should not make you feel guilty or weak; strong people are those capable of properly letting go.<br />
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There's a huge difference between wanting love and a compulsive, chronic craving or pursuit of love in an effort to get our sense of security and worth from another person.<br />
<br />
Please answer this one-question poll, too:<br />
http://www.learnmyself.com/poll53945x61394592<br />
<br />
Almost all the questions were retrieved from <span style="font-style: italic;">loveaddicts.org</span><br />
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<a href="http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=1539">Image: xedos4 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net</a><br />
<br />
© Marwa Ayad<br />
<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33844104.post-21813667489989316172010-10-26T20:30:00.000+01:002010-10-26T22:46:24.057+01:00Happiness or Contentment?I was talking to a friend of mine days ago. The conversation took an unexpected turn when we started talking about happiness and contentment. Both our definitions were different.<br /><br />She thought happiness was far better than contentment. "Contentment is simply settling for less," she said.<br /><br />"How so?"<br /><br />"Well, you decide that you're fine with what you have and it makes you kind of happy. That's being content."<br /><br />"And happiness?" I asked.<br /><br />"Happiness is getting what you want or more...the right career, the adorable husband, the amazing house, etc. Happiness is pleasure. Why settle for semi-happiness?"<br /><br />"How can these things or people make you happy? You're not happy right now with them, but rather about what these things or people will do to you in the future. The perfect job is probably more money and now you can do more and buy more things with the extra money. The adorable husband will take care of you and some of your dreams or life goals can now be realized. Soon enough there will be other milestones and destinations. Happiness is about the future, not the present.<br /><br />"Acquiring things or people for that matter won't make you happy...forever. Of course, you'll be excited and thrilled at first. This is after all what you've been dreaming of for so long. But the human mind can sometimes be strange to understand. We keep looking for happiness outside. Are people with more money happy forever? People with better health? People with amazing lovers, sexy bodies or brilliant careers? Because we tend to want everything. Once a slot is filled, we quickly look to fill the next empty one and so on. So you have to be happy within. Actually content is the right word in this case. Being content is being grateful for what God Has given you...for what you have right now, not thinking about what it/they will bring you tomorrow. For instance, you may not be 100% happy with your job. You actually may be stressed, overworked and it may not be the right career for you. You can choose to look at it this way. Or you can still have your goal on your mental radar and be content with what you have now. After all, hundreds of thousands of people don't have jobs; and you do."<br /><br />"So, you're saying that if someone who seems fine proposes to me, I should accept and be content with him as a husband?"<br /><br />"Nope, I didn't say that. Let me ask you a question. If you meet a wonderful guy and you fall in love with him, how happy will you be to marry him? Now how long do you think this happiness will last? After some time, you'll get used to him, his love and his company. Passion may start to fade away and things aren't as exciting as they once were. That's life, after all. Would you go look for another someone to make you happy and excite you again? Or would you be content with him and your marriage and allow happiness to creep up on you every once in a while? Is that settling for less? Not at all. That's contentment which can last a lifetime. It's in your hands to see less as more. And you'll start seeing more as much more which will make you much happier. When you're content, you can find happiness and goodness in almost anything! Your reward is that the happy times will stretch for you and the bad times will shorten in length," I said.<br /><br />To me being content is being grateful. Life has taught me that when you're grateful for the "little" things, it gives you more to be grateful for and there's less to stress about. That's being content. Now the amazing thing is if you're not naturally content, it may take you some time to learn it. The instant you realize you're settling for less, contentment flees outside the door. That's the secret. Some people keep looking for happiness outside of them. They spend their lives doing so, making more and more money, or moving from one relationship to the next because they're not "happy yet" or "not happy anymore". Happiness can become the definition of what we do not have rather than what we already do. And such people, sarcastically, are never happy no matter what or who they keep getting. Because that ideal happiness keeps getting harder and harder to find. Their desire/need for happiness will never be fulfilled this way. They will always seek or want more.<br /><br />A content person is peaceful and accepts with gratitude what life gives him. They accept themselves and others, talents and flaws. Being content is a choice. "Ideal" happiness is temporary (acquired by external circumstances/possessions/people); and when we lose it, we become insecure, fearful, depressed, sad, angry, etc. until there's something else to be happy about.<br /><br />Just like I believe that part of love is choice and decision. You decide to put energy into something.<br /><br />You can also help yourself become more content. Avoid negative people and "sad" or depressing music, TV or movies. And unless you start looking inside of you for happiness, you'll keep seeking it outside...and you will spend your life doing so in vain.<br /><br /><strong>"Riches are not from an abundance of wordly goods, but from a contented mind."</strong>- <em>Prophet Muhammad<br /></em><br />Let me hear your thoughts.<br /><br />© Marwa Ayad<br /><br /><a href="http://www.marwaayad.com/"><span style="font-family:arial;">Marwa Ayad's Website</span></a><span style="font-family:arial;"><br /></span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/pages/Marwa-Ayad/118913024634"><span style="font-family:arial;">Facebook Fan Page</span></a><span style="font-family:arial;"><br /></span><a href="http://www.twitter.com/marwaayad"><span style="font-family:arial;">Follow Marwa on Twitter</span></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33844104.post-28762936092819411942010-10-14T16:05:00.000+01:002010-10-14T18:56:08.349+01:00The Chemistry of Love: How Relationships and Breakups HappenWell, you should know there are three basic stages of <span style="font-style: italic;">Love</span>:<br /><ul><li>Infatuation</li><li>Attraction</li><li>Attachment</li></ul>Infatuation or lust is the initial passionate, sexual desire. In the first stage, sex hormones as testosterone and estrogen are released in greater amounts.<br /><br />Then you quickly move to the “falling in love” or “crazy about you” phase where you start obsessing about that person. Many chemicals are released: PEA (phenyl ethyl amine), dopamine (which is also activated by cocaine) and nor-epinephrine (which stimulates adrenaline production). These chemicals combined give us that feeling of infatuation. It is why new lovers feel euphoric and energized, floating on air. It is also why new lovers are rather inseparable and can talk all night for weeks on end. The effects of this stage last from several weeks to several months, depending on the person and circumstances.<br /><br />However, the interesting thing is when we have great chemistry with someone, it's hardly flattering! According to <span style="font-style: italic;">Dr. Harville Hendrix </span>our brain dumps PEA when we identify someone who can finish our childhood business; that is when our brain recognizes the original child-parent relationship!<br /><br />Later in this highly-charged stage, serotonin and endorphins are released as well. Serotonin is a natural anti-depressant; endorphins give the feeling of morphine-like calmness and they promote feelings of intimacy, comfort and warmth. They don’t give those “hyper” feelings experienced before; however, they can be more addictive. The absence of endorphins is responsible for making you miss or yearn for your loved one when apart. This stage lasts from several months to a few years.<br /><br />By the way, endorphins are also released after a good workout or eating good-quality chocolate; remember that!<br /><br />When infatuation and attraction subside and things seem to be cooling off, it’s the last stage which many don’t reach (and when breakups often happen). This is the "unconditional acceptance", lucky attachment phase. This involves commitment and is responsible for long-term relationships. Here you are aware of both the positive and negative traits of your partner AND you've decided you want to build a life together.<br /><br />In this stage, higher levels of the chemicals oxytocin and vasopressin are produced to a greater degree than in short-term relationships; both promote bonding and devotion to your partner. They are both released when we’re physically intimate—while holding hands, kissing, cuddling, or having sex. Oxytocin makes people calmer and more sensitive to others’ feelings. Oxytocin is also linked to milk production in women.<br /><br />Only the “attachment phase” of love is physiologically sustainable and can thus endure. This incidentally is real love; the earlier stages are a part of love, too, but as amazing as they can be, they’re always and must be transitory and short-lived. They can’t last, but a deeper sense of love and commitment is achieved instead which is, after all, what we are eventually seeking.<br /><br />Which reminds me: Don't take it too personally when someone breaks up with you or tells you they're no longer in love with you. I know this is so hard to grasp at first. But the truth of the matter is most of the time it's not about you. They've run out of their "love cocktail". They weren't in love with you to begin with; they were in love with being "high”; sadly not you.<br /><br />Accordingly, some people become "love addicts" or "junkies" based on these facts. They badly need this chemical "excitement" to be intoxicated by life (which happens in the earlier stage of love). Once this initial rush of chemicals wanes (inevitable after several months to several years, depending on the individual and the circumstances), the relationship crumbles. They're soon off again, seeking a "quick fix" to their forlorn feelings and "shattered dreams": another chemical high from infatuation.<br /><br />These love junkies also have one other problem. The body builds up tolerance to these chemicals. Then it takes more and more chemistry to bring that “special” feeling of love which they crave.<br /><br />Many adults go through life in a series of three-month to three-year relationships. If these love junkies stay married, they are likely to seek affairs to fuel their chemical highs.<br /><br />One of the best things I've ever learned is knowing if someone is/will be happy in their marriage, or marriage-to-be. The answer is very simple. It’s actually a question:<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">How happy were/are they before getting married?</span><br /><br />There's your answer.<br /><br />Remember in the first stages of love, we project expectations and ideals on our partner. Both parties are also on their best behavior. The chemicals produced in the early stages do that to you. They "suspend observation and distort perception" which is why after some time some people think they have fallen out of love because their beloved no longer meets their ‘fantasy standards’. Now you know why.<br />Whoever abandons the other first in a relationship breaks free from the "spell of love" first.<br /><br />Surprisingly enough, there have been suggestions that the levels of dopamine and serotonin drop off first in the originally less happy partner who wasn't at peace with themselves from the start. The one with more self-doubts and less self-acceptance breaks free from the biochemical spell often fast, too.<br /><br />The closer to the attachment phase you are, the more difficult a breakup is on you and the greater the withdrawal symptoms are (from all the chemicals you’re now being denied being apart from the one you love)—similar to the withdrawal symptoms of a narcotic! The deeper in love you are with someone, the more painful abandonment or betrayal of that person feels.<br /><br />My advice to you: Even though we have no control over who we fall in love with, we can control who we get in a relationship with. Choose someone happy about who they are and at peace with themselves. AVOID like the plague anyone who tells you they've been waiting for you to save/fix/help them or make them happy. Observe that person: what they have achieved in their life so far, their parents’ relationship with each other, how that person treats others, the kind of relationships he/she has been in and HOW and WHY things ended (you could observe a pattern). See if they jump from relationship to relationship because "they're addicted to love" and being in relationships.<br /><br />Just remember a relationship can never remain in the “infatuation” or “attraction” stage indefinitely; it’s not really a sign you’re in the wrong relationship.<br /><br />Apart from chemistry, love is still a mystery to many of us and I enjoy writing about it in my novels. Here’s something (non-chemical) I’ve written before about <span style="font-style: italic;">love</span>:<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Love hurts. A lot. It's unexplained. It's unexpected. It's very clear. It's strange. It's mysterious. It’s cruel. It's kind. It's sweet. It's bitter. It's sadness. It's pure joy. It's torture. It's relief. It's nothing. It's everything.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Exactly. No one can figure out love.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">I can tell you one thing though: Everyone's version of love is different. Some have dwelled on the bright side; others on the very dark side. So don't let others' stories affect you.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">My side of the story is that love is cruelly kind, vaguely clear, sweetly bitter and sadly joyful.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Real love is different. Real love is about two people letting go of their selfishness selflessly for love. Real love is about hanging on, and still knowing your someone is on the other side holding the other side of the rope, even if only ever so lightly. Real love is about understanding, commitment, intuition, communication, patience, and faith... a lot of faith. Real love is strengthened with time, not otherwise.</span><br /><br />Most importantly remember to fall in love with yourself first; only then others will follow.<br /><br />*Like my post? Then please share!*<br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; color: rgb(255, 204, 204); font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;font-family:'Times New Roman';font-size:85%;" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-align: left;font-family:verdana,geneva,lucida,'lucida grande',arial,helvetica,sans-serif;" ><strong>© Marwa Ayad</strong></span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"></span><a href="http://www.marwaayad.com/">Marwa Ayad's Website</a><br /><a href="http://www.facebook.com/pages/Marwa-Ayad/118913024634">Facebook Fan Page</a><br /><a href="http://www.twitter.com/marwaayad">Follow Marwa on Twitter</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33844104.post-52167635351452783042010-07-14T11:24:00.000+01:002010-07-14T11:30:26.729+01:00I Write Like...<!-- Begin I Write Like Badge --><br /><div style="overflow: auto; border: 2px solid rgb(221, 221, 221); font: 20px/1.2 Arial,sans-serif; width: 380px; padding: 5px; background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% rgb(247, 247, 247); color: rgb(85, 85, 85);"><img src="http://s.iwl.me/w.png" style="float: right;" width="120" /><div style="padding: 20px; border-bottom: 1px solid rgb(238, 238, 238); text-shadow: 0pt 1px rgb(255, 255, 255);"> I write like<br /><span style="color: rgb(105, 139, 34);font-size:30px;" >Stephen King</span></div><p style="font-size: 11px; text-align: center; color: rgb(136, 136, 136);"><em>I Write Like</em> by Mémoires, <a href="http://www.codingrobots.com/memoires/" style="color: rgb(136, 136, 136);">Mac journal software</a>. <a href="http://iwl.me/" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% rgb(255, 255, 224);"><b>Analyze your writing!</b></a></p></div><br /><!-- End I Write Like Badge -->Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33844104.post-59708557097254330192010-06-18T18:02:00.000+01:002010-06-18T18:46:47.635+01:00"Lost" Thoughts on "Lost Finale"<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.blurtit.com/var/group/images/g/g8/g80/g804/g804331_Lost-season2%20mynd3.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 454px; height: 454px;" src="http://www.blurtit.com/var/group/images/g/g8/g80/g804/g804331_Lost-season2%20mynd3.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />**Spoilers ahead if you haven't watched the <i>Lost</i> finale yet*<div><br /><div><br /></div><div>So, "Lost" ended; and life is still going on. Seriously, as a huge LOST fan, I was disappointed in the <i>Lost finale</i>. The finale that was supposed to answer questions and mysteries that have lasted for years, not create more of them. The finale that was supposed to make much sense, not more non-sense. The finale that was supposed to leave me breathless, wanting for more with "Ahhh's" and "Oh, I see's!" at least every once in a while. <div><br /></div><div>What happened is that I was let down. and I got the feeling that the writers were in a rush to cook things up on the island...and also explain the alternate-life theory which has so engaged me for a whole season...even more than what was going on in the island. Because their alternate lives were supposed to make sense and would have given all viewers a satisfying and hopeful ending at least...rather to find out it's their post-death (or life) meeting place where they're all supposed to gather in <i>Purgatory </i>and be greeted by <i>Christian Shephard</i> and his again-empty coffin. It doesn't explain the kills, chases, bruises that Jack kept finding on his body. I was so absorbed in their alternate realities...to find out they're <i>dead!</i> </div><div><br /></div><div>Nice. </div><div><br /></div><div>Now that I think of it, it seems like the worst episode of the entire series!</div></div><div><br /></div><div>There could have been a more believable explanation for the characters' alternate realities. Why not go with the idea that detonating the hydrogen bomb did in fact create another time thread or alternate reality as they had us believe in the opening of Season 6? And why would Miles hear Juliet say "It worked"while standing near her grave...and now we know it didn't?</div><div><br /></div><div>Would have made much more sense that way and would have been more intriguing!</div><div><br /></div><div>With that said: Lost will be dearly missed. I don't think any TV show will ever come close to Lost even with all its plot "holes". No more Jack, Desmund or Sawyer. Life can be hard.</div><div><br /></div><div>Oh <i>Lost</i>!</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33844104.post-86103669979186869472010-04-03T13:17:00.000+01:002016-01-03T17:06:32.366+00:00My Favorite Things<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">'ve been wanting to write about this for quite some time.<br /><br />I call the list below a list of my favourite <i>things</i>; things that help cheer me up... even make me happy</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">, especially if I start to feel down which are also known as </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i>drugs of choice </i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;">(in</span><span class="Apple-style-span"> random </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;">order)</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">:</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<ul>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Love</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">A sunny, warm day</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">A perfect cup of coffee</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">A gentle cool summer breeze on a very hot day</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Conversations with my 2.5-year-old nephew</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">My baby niece grinning at me</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Reading a good book</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Writing for hours</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Sleeping in</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">A cool, crisp Autumn evening</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Inspirational, touching music</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">"Everything" by </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i>Michael Buble </i><span class="Apple-style-span">(one of my all-time favourite songs)</span></span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Upbeat music/songs<span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;">Watching </span>Frasier</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> and laughing (my all-time favourite sitcom)</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Charmed</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> (my all-time favourite TV show)</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Playing a good game that sucks you in for a while</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">A surprise gift for no reason at all</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">The scent of jasmine and gardenia in my parents' garden in the summer</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">The smell of my mother's cakes fresh out of the oven</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">A long walk in the English countryside on a warm, sunny day</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: small;">Memories that stir up the soul</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">High-quality dark chocolate</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Favourite childhood smells</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Red roses</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: small;">Scented candles</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Having silent conversations with my (fictional) characters</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Sipping cinnamon latte and having cheesecake at </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Costa</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Watching people interact while listening to music</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Silence when needed</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Happy news after a long wait</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Seeing photos of me as a child with my late grandparents</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Holding my novel</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: small;">Getting fan mail</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Reading great reviews of my debut novel </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">The Years of Silence</span></i></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Unexpected kindness from strangers</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Browsing books at a huge bookstore</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Chocolate doughnuts from the bakery around the corner </span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Watching </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Nigella Lawson</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> cook and bake on TV.</span></span></li>
</ul>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33844104.post-49567980756857011052010-03-27T14:08:00.000+00:002016-01-03T17:08:08.244+00:00The Art of Ignoring Negative Book Reviews<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Every published author gets them... and you just have to cope. I'm talking about bad or negative book reviews. Bear in mind, there are "constructive", professional reviews; those that help you take a step back and see your work from another angle and how you can improve your writing. Those are welcome, at least for me.<br />
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I'm talking about subjective, mean reviews. Those that seem to "judge" the book and the author in a rather unprofessional, very personal way.<br />
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From my own experience, it's best to just shrug them off. Such reviews won't help you be a better writer. And if they can't do that, then just IGNORE. </div>
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Don't feel judged, upset (though sometimes it's hard not to), or pressured. If anything, thank the reviewer! Yup. It may confuse them a bit even. And sometimes, they'll respond and try to justify their "review" adding a little but of "strange" sweetness this time.</div>
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It does get <i>very </i>weird, however, when you feel like the reviewer has something <i>against</i> you... like they want to prove you're just not a good enough writer. Again, ignore. </div>
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A way of telling this is watching the language of the reviewer. Do they seem offended... or offensive? Are they defensive? Do they seem "hurt" by the book or you and they're whining (I kid you not!)? Do they sound like they expected "paradise", only to find "hell" and they make sure they get the message across like that? Even better, they could have written the book "better"?! </div>
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Yeah, if they're not objective, <i>respectful</i>, again IGNORE. Don't even read the whole review. Actually, tell them that you're looking forward to their "better" books. And mean it. Because out of curiosity, I'd look forward to that day very much. Too bad it may never come. </div>
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Because let's face it: even the greatest of writers and authors get bad reviews. What kind of book isn't disliked by a few... or many? Does it demean the book? No! does it demean the author? Heck NO! This is like wining a race, then having someone tell you they don't see you as a winner... or something like that. It still means nothing. You won the race, didn't you? Whether when you published your book, received high ratings and praise/hopefully an award, or any of that... you won the race...and then some.</div>
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A single or a few bad reviews are NOTHING. It's cumulative reviews from many (preferably accredited) sources that do count.</div>
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Feel free to share your opinions and thoughts, especially if you're a published writer.</div>
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And remember: Keep writing!</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33844104.post-51161167586635272002010-02-22T19:20:00.000+00:002010-02-22T18:55:41.610+00:00Happy "Falentine's" Day...and Other Thoughts!I just realized my last blog post was five months ago! That's quite a long time. I'm going to blame it on work and utter lack of time. I also promise to blog more regularly from now on.<div><br /></div><div>Anyway, it's almost the end of February...the month of love for many. February that has turned very weird recently with all this hot weather. February...the month I was born in. February of the so-called <i>Falentine's Day</i>.</div><div><br /></div><div>It dazzles me how much people change...and not just in a matter of years. It can be a matter of months or weeks...or days. Years ago, I used to be in <i>awe</i> of love. I used to look up at love and just be speechless. I think I built <i>all </i>my dreams around it. I thought it was all I needed to become complete...become who I'm meant to be and be happier.</div><div><br /></div><div>Let's not jump to conclusions: What is <i>love</i> first of all? </div><div><br /></div><div>Years ago <b><i>my </i></b>definition of love was either that of the ultra-romantic, fragile love that for some unknown reason is too perfect to even last so it has to end abruptly, often in tragedy one way or another (the <i>impossible</i> love story). But it doesn't stop there. Oh no! Its <i>sweetness</i> starts there with all the unbearable (sometimes even unimaginable) hollow pain, tears, memories and separation. That torture means something. Question is: Does this pain help us grow? Does it <i>really </i>help us? Or is that what <i>we</i> tell ourselves trying to make it all sound better so we even appear <i>wiser</i> in the process? I mean did people wake up one day and all agree that such type of love stories are supposed to make us stronger, better people? If so, show me some proof!</div><div><br /></div><div>The second type of love is the illusional <i>idolized </i>type. You imagine someone bigger than they are, better than they are and you dream of them day and night. It starts like that. But be ware, it can keep growing and it can be unstoppable.</div><div><br /></div><div>That's what I knew of love back then.</div><div><br /></div><div>Blame it on the media...and those Hollywood movies that depict such types of love. We grow up and our brains soak up all that. Our parents and the authority figures we know don't talk about love or such "mundane" things; so by all means, bring the movies on!</div><div><br /></div><div>Now years later, I may be the same childish, very romantic person within but I have quite different views of life...and <i>love</i>. Life has taught me a lot. I'm not trying to sound like a know-it-all-seen-it-all smart a**. No, I'm sharing my opinion which could be of some (or a lot of) value to you; so here are my two cents:</div><div><br /></div><div>Love hurts. A LOT. It's unexplained. It's unexpected. It's very clear. It's strange. It's mysterious. It cruel. It's kind. It's sweet. It's bitter. It's sadness. It's pure joy. It's torture. It's relief. It's nothing. It's everything.</div><div><br /></div><div>Exactly. No one can figure out love. </div><div><br /></div><div>I can tell you one thing though: Everyone's version of love is different. Some have dwelled on the bright side; others on the very dark side. So don't let others' stories affect you.</div><div><br /></div><div>My side of the story is that love is <i>cruelly</i> kind, <i>vaguely</i> clear, <i>sweetly</i> bitter and <i>sadly</i> joyful.</div><div><br /></div><div>Real love is different. Real love is about two people letting go of their selfishness <i>selflessly</i> for love. Real love is about hanging on, and still knowing your someone is on the other side holding the other side of the rope, even if only ever so lightly. Real love is about understanding, commitment, intuition, communication, patience, and faith...a lot of faith. </div><div><br /></div><div>What's <i>your</i> definition of love?</div><div><br /></div><div>Bottom-line is: Don't be a love-victim. Yes, love can be like in the movies. But it's also much different. So, step away from the clouds for a while and give it some thought. <b>Healthy</b> love relationships do exist. Soul mates do exist.</div><div><br /></div><div>And the first person you need to fall in love with is <i>yourself</i>, no one else. Because once you do, people will do the same. And among them will be the one...the one meant for <i>you</i>.</div><div><br /></div><div>Which brings me to February again. I don't really celebrate Valentine's Day anymore. Yeah, me...the so very hopelessly-turned-hopefully romantic me. I remember years ago how almost "sacred" it was to me, how so very special it was...the chocolate and red roses and all that. I'm not saying I'm against it now, but I definitely don't like the idea of it turning into such a commercial holiday/parade! </div><div><br /></div><div>I'd like to think love is something else. There are still gifts involved though. :)</div><div><br /></div><div>And so happy belated <i><b>Falentine's Day </b>(with an F)!</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i><a href="http://www.marwaayad.com/">Marwa Ayad's Website</a></i></div><div><a href="http://www.facebook.com/pages/Marwa-Ayad/118913024634"><i>Marwa's Facebook Fan Page</i></a></div><div><i><a href="http://www.twitter.com/marwaayad">Follow Marwa on Twitter</a></i></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33844104.post-8217511057437650542009-09-26T15:40:00.000+01:002009-09-26T16:42:53.730+01:00Character Interview with The Years of Silence Heroine Maya SeifFirst, let me share with you one of the messages I got lately from Christine in Canada which absolutely made my day:<br /><br /><em>The whole premise of your novel touches my heart. I am in love with Maya and Yusuf and their story of true love and soulmate connections is so important to me. Keep writing---the world is truly blessed with your words in it.</em><br /><em></em><br />Thank you so much Christine! I'm actually blessed to have readers like you. =)<br /><em></em><br />And AT LAST here's the interview with the (<em>FICTIONAL</em>) heroine of my debut novel <em>Maya Seif</em> as promised (sorry about the unintentional delay). And to everyone who is asking: No, I'm NOT Maya. :)<br /><br />Some of the Basics First:<br /><br /><strong>Full Name:</strong> Maya Seif<br /><strong>Birth Date:</strong> 15 July 1981<br /><strong>Astrological Sign:</strong> Cancer<br /><strong>Birth Place:</strong> Alexandria, Egypt<br /><strong>Hair Color:</strong> Brown<br /><strong>Shape and Features of Face:</strong> Round face, "delicate" features<br /><strong>Eye Color:</strong> Hazel<br /><strong>Social Status:</strong> Married<br /><strong>Current Location:</strong> New York, US<br /><br />Maya, how do you see yourself and how did the author see you?<br /><br /><em>I see myself as a very romantic and emotional person. I've changed throughout the book. At first, I had low self-esteem and I was struggling with an abusive husband. Then I became stronger and more determined. I would say the author, Marwa Ayad, saw me really well.<br /><br /></em>What was/is your biggest disappointment?<br /><br /><em>I would say I experienced a couple of disappointments throughout the novel; if you read the novel, you'll know what I'm talking about.<br /></em><br />What, if anything, haunts you?<br /><br /><em>The darkest times in my first marriage and that ill-fated day when I had to go to the hospital haunt me from time to time; but to be honest, I've let go of the past and forgiven myself and anyone who has wronged me.<br /></em><br />Has anyone ever failed you?<br /><br /><em>My ex-husband failed me.</em><br /><br />Have you ever failed anyone?<br /><br /><em>I've failed myself before, but that's all changed, thankfully.</em><br /><br />Do you keep your promises?<br /><br /><em>I do, yes.</em><br /><br />Why, after sending Yusuf that last email, did you close your email account and change your number right away (a question from a reader)?<br /><br /><em>I was very disappointed in him and I felt I'd been lied to and deceived. I didn't want him to contact me again and thought it was best to put it all behind me; that's all I could think of at the time really.</em><br /><br />Who is your first love?<br /><br /><em>Yusuf :)<br /></em><br />What is the most important thing that ever happened to you?<br /><br /><em>Reuniting with Yusuf.</em><br /><br />Since the release of the book, the author has received many messages and emails from women either in abusive marriages or divorced and many of them could relate to your story; what advice, if any, would you give such women, Maya?<br /><br /><em>I would tell them to be strong and stand up for themselves. They have to love and respect themselves enough to realize that no woman should put up with abuse of any kind, be it physical, verbal or silent. Learn to speak up; don't accept the unacceptable! Every woman deserves to be happy; don't let anyone take that away from you.</em><br /><em></em><br />Finally, how are you and Yusuf doing now... what is life like now for you both?<br /><em></em><br /><em>Things are great! We're both blessed to be together; life isn't perfect all the time but when you share it with your soul mate, things are pretty different. We're still in the US and I'm a very busy mother with two kids now. :)</em><br /><br />Thank you, Maya, for this lovely interview!<br /><br />Don't forget, no matter where you live worldwide, you can buy a copy of my novel via this <a href="http://bookspotonline.com/middle.php?file=bookdetails&bookid=43933">link</a>.<br /><br />Also feel free to read more about <em>The Years of Silence</em> on my <a href="http://www.marwaayad.com/">website</a>. You can also join my Facebook <a href="http://www.facebook.com/pages/Marwa-Ayad/118913024634?ref=mf">page</a> and/or <a href="http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=48294566724">group</a> to stay updated.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33844104.post-33637077043610426162009-08-28T13:59:00.000+01:002009-08-28T14:34:02.785+01:00Writer's Block Again!I hate writer's block. I want to write, fill my blank screen with words. I hear my dear characters talk inside my head; and I listen... so why can't I write? Or is it lack of focus?<br /><br />Is it the fact that I'm too emotionally involved with them? Or is it the fact that I want to keep writing this novel for months because I love it so much? I'm not sure.<br /><br />Anyway, here are several tips I've tried in the past which still help me (which means I ought to get offline now, at least!):<br /><br />1- Unplug the internet<br /><br />Forget about <em>Facebook</em>, <em>GMail</em>, <em>Twitter, Instant Messengers </em>and all that for a while and see how it goes.<br /><br />2- Listen to music<br /><br />3- Get some/more coffee (my favorite tip) :)<br /><br />4- Stop thinking and start writing... whatever it is you write!<br /><br />5- Eat healthy food and snacks to nourish your brain (more protein, fruits, veggies, nuts...etc.)<br /><br />6- Take a shower, bath... or just be near a body of water<br /><br />This works for me! I actually didn't know the exact reason behind this until I read about it in WRITE IT DOWN, MAKE IT HAPPEN by <em>Henriette Anne Klauser</em>. Moving water helps with creativity because of the negative ions it produces.<br /><br />Positive ions are produced by machines and technology: computers, televisions, refrigerators, cars, airplanes, heating units and air conditioners...etc. Negative ions counter the exhausting effect of positive ions which is much better for immunity, the respiratory system and mood.<br /><br />7- Read a book and return to writing later<br /><br />Got any more tips? Please feel free to share!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1