Read Part I here.
***
Zeina opened her eyes. Everything was blurry.
"Time for your medicine, Zeina."
For an instant, Zeina couldn't recognize the voice. She looked around her, one sweeping look taking the whole room in. A photo of a young girl in a silver frame on a table nearby caught her eyes.
"Who is this?" she asked the woman in the white overall. A nurse.
"Do you recognize her?"
"She looks like my daughter," she paused. "The one from my dreams."
"I'll go get the doctor," said the nurse, rushing outside the room.
Zeina stood up and looked outside the window. Where was she? Why did everything seem so unfamiliar? And, above all, why was she in a hospital?
The doctor came in, a calm smile on his face. "Zeina, you said you were starting to remember a girl...your daughter?"
"I've been seeing her in dreams."
"That's a good start. You've been suffering from memory loss lately, Zeina. So this is really good news."
Zeina was more confused now. "What are you telling me, doctor?"
The doctor sat down, still looking at her. "You see, Zeina, there was a bad accident. You were severely injured and you lost your memory. Your daughter was even in a worse condition than yours. She is still in a coma. This photo of hers was in your bag and months ago you asked us to put it in a frame."
"I have a daughter?" Zeina asked through tear-filled eyes.
***
Sometimes Ayman wished he would change back time, take back certain things he had done. He wondered what life would have been like now with Zeina by his side. For some reason, it seemed they had always been meant to be together. And indeed he was happy when they were. But at the time he had much bigger dreams and he changed a lot after marriage. He might have taken her for granted. All he knew was that he didn't want to be with her anymore. And he just left, thinking he would be happier away from her and that somehow being with her had blocked his happiness.
He didn't even give her a second chance. He just left, convincing himself that what they had shared hadn't been love and what Zeina had been to him was something he could find with another.
Now seven years later, he was even more lost than he had felt when he was with her. He might have acquired some of the things he had been looking for, what he had once thought he had wanted -- not necessarily needed. After all, he had changed his career, traveled around a lot, met a thousand of people, been with other girls -- but never married again. To anyone who didn't know him well, he seemed very happy.
But he had never found what he had once shared with Zeina. If anything, it seemed to him like he could only find the opposite. The quiet, peaceful life he had thought of as boring was now a far-away dream. All the women he had been with seemed to not care about his peace of mind, their needs had always come first. Putting up with him in his worst moods was something he couldn't even ask for now. He had learned the very hard way how love could not be taught. No matter how often he had told the women he had been with--and whom he had been very attracted to-- how to treat him and love him, they never listened.
Love can't be taught, sweetheart, Zeina had once told him.
That was unconditional love and safety she had given him, pure and simple. He had chosen to see her as a normal wife, who was nice to and took care of him. After all, that was what he had told her that day. That such things alone didn't sustain a marriage.
He had chosen then not to see her endless kindness, never complaining, always putting his needs first, accommodating herself to suit his many needs and dark moods. He chose to see her selflessness as timidness. He had promised her when they got married how he would take care of and love her forever. Yet, despite his many promises, he had never done so.
And now he wept. Feverishly.
God must be punishing him. For being so ungrateful, so ignorant.
He never looked back after leaving her. So why did he miss her that much now; and why did it hurt? Was it because he was only now beginning to understand what Zeina told him when he had last seen her?
"Just remember you've chosen to walk away from the one thing you have and shall be looking for your whole life. With your own choice."
Even if he found her, would she ever forgive him? Would she be the one giving him a second chance? It had been seven years. She was most probably married to someone who knew how to take care of and love her.
--To be continued...
© Marwa Ayad
Please remember to share. :)
Marwa Ayad's Website
Facebook Fan Page
Follow Marwa on Twitter
0 shoutouts:
Post a Comment